The Face on the Soda Bottle Label
by Tala Mitena
Summary: For Sora, finding his soulmate was easy. All he had to do was drink a soda. But convincing his soulmate they are truly meant to be? That's another story. RS.
1. I'm Your Soulmate

**Author's Note: **While the all amazing Cait McKay and I were drinking a Jones' soda and musing about sending in our pictures, we came up with some little fantasy about what would happen if we did. This fantasy my friend, is what inspired this ficling. Enjoy. Jones's Soda is awesome. If you don't have the slightest clue what I'm talking about right now, you will by the end of this chappie.

Also, if you read this and like it, I'd appreciate it if you would review. Alot of people who have me on their favorites our author alert list have never reviewed any of my stories. I know that I myself have the habit of just adding a story to favorites without reviewing, but I'm trying to kick that habit because I know that I personally would prefer reviews. They're more personalized than just adding me to your favorites list, and therefore they boost my ego more. :cough: Yes. Thank you very much! Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I so don't own Kingdom Hearts. Or Jones's soda. I'm far too lame for that.

Chapter One: _"I'm your soulmate."_

The wind hissed violently, stinging my ears, biting at my cheeks and nose, hurling soft, white flakes into my eyes. Lucky me. I'd finally moved to Connecticut, and landed in the middle of one of the harshest winters ever recorded. And, having been born and raised in Honolulu, I wasn't even prepared for a mild winter. I pulled my cheap, thin coat closer as a shiver pulsed through my body. It wasn't just the cold making me shiver, it was also the fact that, after two years of pure agony, I was finally meeting a certain stranger. A stranger I was sure was my soul mate.

This stranger was standing a few paces before me, his pale skin and silver hair practically disappearing in the furious flakes of the blizzard. But his eyes were definitely not lost. They shone like gems through the hazy air. Those exquisitely turquoise eyes had haunted my dreams for years, their color constantly changing in the dream world, for I hadn't known their true beauty then. But now I did, and it was an electric beauty which pierced my flesh, digging through it fiercely until everything had been torn away but my shivering, unworthy soul.

My breath caught in my throat as my soul mate moved a step closer, his face void of expression.

"You've been following me all day, acting like a fucking groupie. Who the hell are you?"

The term "groupie" shocked me a bit, but I suppose it wasn't much of an exaggeration. After all, I had spent two years earning enough money to fly across the country and meet him. But I really did love him, in a strong and incredibly confusing way. In a way that had torn at my heart for two years now. And I hadn't ever really seen him until this morning. I gathered my courage and forced myself to speak.

"I…I'm your…soul mate." I stammered, a furious blush creeping across my cheeks as though the only reason I even had cheeks was so I could blush.

The beautiful creature before me, shrouded in a haze that had surely gathered there just to be near him, laughed. My heart jumped into my throat and I clamped my mouth shut, certain that if I opened it, the vital organ would slide out onto the frozen ground. I knew that I should have been offended by the laughter, but I couldn't help but smile. His laugh was so warm and bright, positively musical, and infectious and…everything good in the world had most likely originated from that laugh.

"We've never even met before," my soul mate managed between bouts of laughter.

"I know."

The laughing had stopped now. "So you're saying this is some sort of love-at-first-sight thing?"

"I guess you could say that."

"But we're both guys."

Oh yeah. That. I'd completely forgotten that he might have a problem with that, because I hadn't ever thought to have a problem with it myself. It suited me just fine. "I don't care." I murmured.

He stared at me, and I fidgeted under his piercing, heated gaze. "What's your name?" he asked.

"Sora."

"Riku."

I smiled widely and allowed my mouth to play with the two, glorious syllables. Riku. _Ri_ku. Ri_ku_.

Riku continued with one short word. "'Bye."

My heart free-falled from my throat, straight through my feet and the ground, deep into the pits of hell. He couldn't leave me. It had taken me so long to find him; he couldn't just leave. "No, wait! Please!" I begged.

"I have to go home. We are in the middle of a blizzard after all, and my mom's probably worried. You should go home too."

I froze as he walked away. I was powerless to stop him, and was currently overcome with an immense nausea and sense of loss. Home? I couldn't go home. Home was thousands of miles away.

And so, with nowhere to go and only a paper-thin jacket to my name, I turned and walked back the way I had came, trudging through un-shoveled sidewalks and fighting against cruel winds to the center of this small town. I sat on a bench and watched some children run around as I attempted to think of something to do. It didn't work. There really _wasn't_ anything I could do.

My hands were cold. Really cold. They were nearing numbness, at that point where everything you touch feels like knives stabbing into your flesh. I breathed on them and rubbed them together before shoving them into my pockets. The fingers of my right hand collided painfully with the smooth surface of my only possession.

I pulled the object out of my pocket and turned it over in my hands, laughing inwardly at myself. I was such a loser. Any normal person would have thrown this out the same day they obtained it. I'd kept mine for quite a while now. But then again, I had my reasons.

My fingers wandered over the small line of text that had led me here. "Selphie. 14. Belleview, CT."

Well, here I was, snowy, cold, Belleview Connecticut. Thousands of miles from what had once been my home, with nothing but a too-thin jacket, a piece of trash, and the hope of convincing Riku we were soulmates. But where was Selphie? Selphie, who was no longer fourteen, had started all this. She was the reason I was here in Belleview, with my too-thin jacket and a piece of trash with her name on it. And, aside from Riku, she was the only person in the town – hell, she was the only person in the tri-state region – I even remotely knew of.

So, I lifted myself off of the bench and walked over to a group of teenagers. I asked them a vague question, the answer to which was my last hope.

"Do you know Selphie?" I prayed to every god known to man that there was only one Selphie in Connecticut and that one of these three knew her.

The one female in the group answered, her violet eyes flicking shyly to the ground. "Uh, yeah, why?"

A smile stretched across my face. "Would you mind telling me where she lives?"

The shorter of the two males eyed me suspiciously as the taller answered my question. "She lives in that building right behind you. Apartment 2C."

I threw a 'thank you' over my shoulder as I ran to the building, whose windows read "Belleview Luxury Apartments." The quick transition from the cold outdoors into the heat of the building was harsh, but comforting. I took a moment to allow my limbs to regain feeling before rushing up the stairs, assuming that the 2 in '2C' meant it was on the second floor.

It didn't take long to find the apartment, and upon knocking on the door, it took even less time for someone to respond.

The girl who had answered chirped a greeting as she opened the door. She had short brown hair and large green eyes, which shone cheerfully.

"Selphie?" I inquired, slightly taken aback by the girl's overly cheerful countenance and oversized, canary-yellow sweater.

She gave me the once-over before deciding I was trustworthy and nodding enthusiastically.

"I…uh…I found this." I said, reluctantly handing her the object I had not parted with since it had come into my possession. She took it and examined it, her forehead wrinkled slightly in confusion. After a moment, a look of recognition passed over her features and she squeaked in delight. Bouncing up and down, she pulled me into the apartment and shoved me onto a couch.

Sitting next to me she asked, "Where did you get this?"

"Honolulu."

"Honolulu!" Her eyes were suddenly impossibly wide. "You've _got_ to be kidding me!"

I shook my head 'no'.

"Sweet!" she squeaked again, eying the object proudly. After a second or two, her eyes narrowed. "Then, why are you here in Connecticut?" I know you didn't come all the way here from Hawaii just to show me this." Her veridian eyes were gleaming with the semblance of an idea as to just what it was that had led me here.

I sighed, the heat of a blush creeping slowly across my cheeks, and began to tell my story. "I found this two years ago," I started, reaching for the object, a soda bottle, and turning it so the label was visible. Jones's Soda - famous for the fact that their customers could send in photographs of their own to be placed on the label. This picture happened to have been taken by Selphie. It was in black and white, and there was a swingset, with, of course, a swing. And in the swing was a boy. His long, silver hair was tucked behind one ear, the rest falling across the far side of his face. He was looking down, lonely, or so he seemed.

"And you fell in love?" Selphie asked hopefully.

I nodded. I was half lost in my own little world. It was like that every time I looked at the label. Before I realized it, I had begun talking again. "Every time I look at this, I get the same way. My whole body is filled with an incredible warmth. But, at the same time I'm overcome with an intense longing, the pains of which rest even in my bones. It makes me feel as though, no matter how deeply I breathe in, I will never have enough air to fill my lungs. My hands suddenly feel empty, and I usually grab on to something." Sure enough, I was twisting one of the couch pillows in my hands as I spoke. "For a while afterwards, my mouth is dry, and I can't taste anything." I shivered as I continued. "Every time I look at this picture, I want to become a part of it. I want to jump into it and kneel beneath him. I paused for breath. My heart was beginning to clench, and speaking was becoming a little difficult. "I want to be what he's looking down at. I want to make him happy, see him smile. I want him to smile because I'm with him." I looked down, slightly embarrassed.

Selphie 'awwed' softly and moved closer, ruffling my spikey hair.

"I saw your name, age and location on the bottle, and spent a year raising enough money to buy a plane ticket to San Francisco. It was really hard, considering I haven't finished high school yet, and I had to pay bills and buy food too. In San Francisco, I did the same, and now, I'm here."

"You had to pay bills?" she inquired softly. I nodded, not wishing to explain why. She nodded back, eyes lowered, and I suddenly understood that she lived in this apartment alone.

"Hey," she murmured, "you wanna stay here with me for a while?"

I smiled up at her. "Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

"No problem." She winked. "I've found myself rather sympathetic to your cause. Call me a hopeless romantic all you want, I'll still think it's adorable how determined you are."


	2. I Didn't Ask For This

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took me so long to update this. It took me a while to really figure out what to do with this fic. When I came up with the idea, I really didn't think it would actually end up being written. Anyway - The Face on the Soda Bottle Label has quickly become my baby. So, you can either expect frequent updates or not-so frequent ones. It depends. I might whip through chapters because I enjoy writing this so much, or I might take excruciating amounts of time to write each chapter because I want to make it perfect. Anyway, the point is, this is my baby. So be nice to it or Mother Bear will maul you.

Oh – also, the class I describe in this chapter may seem really unrealistic, but throw in some pachinko balls, two girls with mild OCD, and a feminine male who enjoys cross-dressing, and you have my Chemistry class from last year. No joke.

**Disclaimer:** I never have owned Kingdom Hearts, and I probably never will. But if I do miraculously end up owning it, you'd know. Oh yes, you'd know. Butt-sex, _everywhere._

Chapter Two: _"I didn't ask for this."_

I winced as another prodding finger came into view, and a hand ran through my spiky hair.

Over the weekend Selphie had somehow managed to register me at Belleview High, and so, here I was, sitting amongst a gaggle of schoolgirls who were ooh-ing and ah-ing over my appearance. Apparently here in Belleview it was appealing for males to bare their midriffs and wear eyeliner. At least, that was the impression I got after three hours of playing dress-up with Selphie this morning, five periods of enduring twittering, poking girls, and countless whining cries of "I wish my boyfriend dressed like you!"

Granted, some girls acted indifferently towards me, and others regarded my – or rather, Selphie's – fashion sense with utter disgust. But their existence was difficult to acknowledge when surrounded by those who found it fascinating.

Thankfully, I had someone who just might help me in this class. Looking around, however, I found that Selphie was perfectly content to encourage her classmates rather than help me escape their torture. I heaved a sigh, wondering when the teacher would arrive and put an end to this madness. It wasn't just me and my fan club that was causing disorder either. The entire class was gathered in clumps here and there, chatting loudly and gesturing wildly.

"Where are you from, _Soooora_?" a girl with long, brown hair asked as she poked my arm repeatedly, jabbing me with her long fingernails.

"Honolulu." I muttered mechanically. The string of questions I'd been answering all day had once again begun. Next, someone would ask me what Honolulu was like.

One particularly enthusiastic girl pushed her way to the front of the crowd, nearly losing her glasses in the process. She bounced slightly as she stood in front of me before asking, "So, what brings you here?"

I bowed my head, stomach churning nervously. I wasn't prepared to answer that question.

"He's in love with Riku!"

But apparently, Selphie was, as she was the one who ha shouted the answer. Before I had time to even blush, a screeching 'What!' sounded from behind me, followed by a loud thud. The entire class directed their attention to the source of these sounds. In the doorway of the classroom stood a slim girl with a blonde ponytail and bright green eyes. At her feet was a pile of books and papers, which she must have dropped when she had cried out in. . .whatever emotion it was that had caused her to cry out.

"No." Selphie stated calmly, shaking her head. "No not _you_, Rikku," she explained to the blonde, who I assumed was also named Rikku, which made things much clearer. "Sora here's in love with the _other_ Riku. The _boy_ Riku."

If the girl Rikku had any response to this, it was not heard, for at the exact moment the word 'boy' had left Selphie's lips, the two girls who had questioned me let out two, high-pitched squeals of delight. Most of the other girls had wandered off after Selphie's comment, but the interest of these two seemed to have piqued. They fired question after question at me - questions I didn't understand, due to the use of the words "seme" and "uke". That, and both were speaking at the same time, and neither bothered to wait for an answer.

Just as I was beginning to consider mass homicide as a rather appealing option, Rikku's voice cut through the chatter once more, this time demanding that the class take their seats. I was confused by this demand, until the students obeyed it that is, at which point it became clear that Rikku was not, as I'd assumed, a student, but my chemistry teacher.

"Ooooookay!" she crooned, pacing at the front of the classroom, bouncing a little with each turn. "As you know, we had a totally neat-o experiment planned for today!" There were several whoops and hollers of approval, and the blonde turned to face the class, pouting. "Unfortunately, the school board wouldn't give us the go-ahead. Something about safety issues," she continued, shrugging.

The girl next to me – one of my interrogators - growled. "This _always_ happens! I wanna blow stuff up!"

I was definitely nervous about this class. Rikku seemed way too young to be a teacher, and she had a record of planning experiments so dangerous that the school board wouldn't allow them to be performed.

"Yeah, I know!" Rikku whined, and I idly wondered what to call her. She'd seemed to have no problem with Selphie referring to her as Rikku, but surely at some point we'd be expected to call her by something more formal. "So today, we have busy work instead!" She grabbed a stack of papers from the pile that was still on the floor, and began passing them out. However, the students didn't even wait to get theirs, the simply stood up and walked back to their little clusters and resumed their conversations.

I winced. This probably meant the squeaky girls would come back. The one next to me turned, smiling in what I'm sure she thought was a friendly manner, but it seemed more maniacal to me.

Her unanswered questions were again asked, and Selphie again took the liberty of answering them herself. I debated whether to be offended by her self-appointment to act as my voice, or eternally grateful. By the time I'd decided on the latter, the bell had rung, signaling the beginning of lunch, and Selphie dragged me to the cafeteria, babbling about those of her friends I was about to meet.

We sat at a table near the far edge of the room, and were soon joined by the three teens I'd seen in town on Friday – the one's I'd asked about Selphie. The shy girl with short, auburn hair and violet eyes was named Kairi, and the tall redheaded male who'd answered me was Wakka. The blonde that had accompanied them was eyeing me suspiciously yet again, and he gave his name – Tidus – reluctantly.

"So, Sora," he asked coolly, "What brings you here to Connecticut from good ol' Honolulu?"

"He loves Riku." Selphie chirped, and I was again thankful for her interruption. Tidus relaxed at this, and I couldn't help but notice the glance he shot in Selphie's direction. "And I'm gonna help get them together!"

"What!" I cried. I hadn't planned on that. Not at all. When I came here, I just wanted to see Riku, to meet him. The last thing I'd thought of was getting together with him. Well, it was one of the last things I thought of anyway. " I don't know if that's a good idea," I muttered, "I mean, is Riku even gay?"

Selphie nodded enthusiastically, and Tidus choked on his sandwich.

"Since _when_!" He cried.

Wakka, who had remained silent until now, reached over and smacked Tidus upside the head. "You really are dense, man. He's been out for over a year now."

Tidus narrowed his eyes at the redhead before turning back to Selphie, "Dude, like _how_ gay?"

Kairi snorted, and as she spoke I was surprised to hear that her voice was clear and confident. "What do you mean 'how gay'? He's gay and that's that. There aren't differing degrees of homosexuality."

"No, seriously!" Tidus whined. "C'mon Selph, you know what I mean, don't you?"

Selphie sighed. "Personality wise, he's straight as an arrow."

"Well, duh. But what about. . ._you know_."

"Sex?" Selphie asked.

"Freddy Mercury." Said Kairi, causing Tidus to twitch slightly.

"Nuh-uh! Try Liberace!" Selphie cried.

Shrugging, Kairi turned to me and asked, "So how long have you been in love with Riku?"

"About two years." I replied. In the background I could hear Tidus asking Selphie who the hell Liberace was.

"What the fuck?" someone asked from behind me. I turned to see Riku standing there, a lunch tray in his hands. His silver hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, stray strands falling into his face, and his aqua eyes, dark with anger, were rimmed with black eyeliner. The black sweater he wore clung enticingly to his well-defined abdomen, and I couldn't tell if it was his obvious anger or just _him_ that had taken my breath away.

"How the hell have you been in love with me for two years?" he demanded, eyes narrowing. "You haven't even known me for two _days_!"

I glanced at Selphie, praying that she'd take her usual course of action and jump in with the answer. After a moment of silence, it became clear that I was on my own. I chewed on my lower lip, splitting some of the filmy skin there, and cast my eyes downward, searching for a way to word my answer. Under the table, Selphie pressed something smooth and cold into my hand, which had memorized the shape and feel long ago. It was the bottle. Heart pounding, I pulled it into view and handed it to Riku.

The silver-haired teen studied the bottle, then shot a burning glare at Selphie, who shrank into herself, giggling weakly and flashing him a guilty smile.

And then those gorgeous, angry eyes were back on me, searing my flesh. "You found this two years ago? Where?"

Selphie opened her mouth to speak, but Riku stopped her with a quick, sharp wave of his hand.

"Where?" he demanded.

"H-honolulu." I whispered.

"Honolulu? You came to find me from all the way across the country because you fell in love with a picture?"

I nodded.

Riku narrowed his eyes once more, raising a delicate eyebrow. "On Friday I thought you were just a jackass playing some dumb joke, but now. . .this is sick."

I winced.

"Falling in love with someone because of their picture? And then trekking across the country to find them? You've got problems." The anger had left his eyes, and his voice wasn't accusing. It was disturbed and, maybe, a little concerned. But even still, a lump had formed in my throat, and my eyes stung with the effort to hold back tears. This was the one thing that had haunted me for two years – the possibility of rejection, and pity.

"And how the _hell_ did you get your parents to go along with it?"

The lump in my throat dissolved as tears burst forth and I sobbed softly. The boy I loved so dearly was calling me a psycho, and now he had to bring up my parents. Damn it, that was the last thing I needed. And the fact that I was weeping in public at seventeen years of age just made it that much worse.

Riku regarded me as if he didn't know how to react.

"I didn't ask for this, okay?" I said, voice wavering. "I didn't _want_ to fall in love with some face on a soda bottle label. I didn't _want_ to spend two years wasting my time at some crap job so I could earn enough money to - " I sniffled loudly and whipped away my tears, vaguely aware that the entire student body was focusing on me, "to get here, and freeze to death, and be dressed up like some doll, and poked and prodded, and yelled at, and then," I hiccupped, "then break down like a _child_ in front of the entire school. But. . .but that's what happened. I _did_ fall in love with you, and I _am_ here, and. . .I. . I'm sorry."

Beyond the hot, salty moisture of my tears, the heavy sound of my sobs, and the quick bursts of hiccups, there was nothing. Nothing but silence, and a pair of stunning turquoise eyes, which were fixed on me and my pitiful, shuddering frame.


	3. I'll Be Out of Your Hair

**Author's Note:** Sorry I took so very, very long with this update. I had about two-thirds of this laying around for a while and then I got the lead in our school play and it totally sucked up every ounce of my time, and I was completely incapable of doing anything but acting. On that note, I'd like to mention that one of my readers was leaving reviews on another story asking me to update this. If you could, please do not do this. Not only is it a pain to have reviews that say "Hey! Update this other story!" but you, as readers, have to respect that a writer's life does not include only staring at a computer screen, drooling, and typing. We have school. We have jobs. We have friends, family, boy/girlfriends. Also, we do not like to rush our chapters, which just results in a less satisfying read for the readers who so adamantly requested the update. Thank you.

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts / mine. Le sad.

Chapter One: _"I'll be out of your hair."_

The rest of the day was miserable. Absolutely miserable. After my breakdown in the cafeteria the whole school was buzzing. Everywhere I went people were whispering about me and my crazy obsession, my sexuality, and my lovely display of emotions. What made the day go from awful to miserable was when Riku walked into my eighth period Creative Writing class. It was then that I realized why Selphie had insisted I take the course.

As if my day hadn't been awful enough. Now I seemed like even more of a stalker.

And as for Riku, he'd proved to be a lot less accepting than I'd hoped. In truth he'd been a complete jerk. I mean sure, I was some crazy, goofy kid who'd fallen in love with his picture two years ago and spent the entirety of those two years working to move across the country and find him, but that didn't mean he had to react so harshly. Despite this, I still loved him, and I had a feeling I would for quite awhile. There's always someone you never really get over, and Riku was definitely that someone.

Glancing up, I saw that he was staring at me, his eyes dark and cold, frowning thoughtfully. I wished that I could read his expression, but it was too soon for that, though I knew that one day I'd have studied his face enough to do so. I already knew that his left brow arched delicately when he was upset and that his eyes smoldered dangerously when angered, and danced mischievously and glittered brightly when he laughed that beautiful laugh of his. And from studying him as he stared at me I could tell that his eyes darkened to a deep emerald and he chewed his lower lip when he was lost in thought.

Narrowing his eyes at me, Riku glanced away as he turned his attention to the blue notebook before him and began scrawling something on its pages. After a moment he ventured a quick glance back in my direction, his expression softened slightly –so slightly in fact that if I hadn't been watching so intently I wouldn't have noticed it.

I sighed and opened the notebook I'd borrowed from Selphie for the day. The first three pages were filled with scrawled names surrounded by hearts. The most repeated name was Tidus's, which didn't surprise me, but every once in a while there was the name of a celebrity and the names 'Irvine Kinneas' and 'Squall Leonhart' were written a few times each – but wasn't Mr. Kinneas that smirking, cowboy-hat-wearing Algebra teacher? And Mr. Leonhart was definitely my stand-offish English teacher.

My current teacher narrowed crimson eyes at me, which I was convinced were the products of contacts, though God only knows why a teacher would wear red contacts. I glanced down quickly, eager to escape her rather potent death glare and began tracing a figure eight in the corner of my paper, followed by some looping scribbles to make the impression that I was working on our poetry assignment. I wanted to work on it, really, but inspiration is hard to find in a classroom.

Except when the object of your unreciprocated, insanity inducing affections was also in that classroom, shooting sporadic glances at you with his glowing green eyes. Tongue darting out to wet my drying lips, I carefully wrote the words 'bright eyes' down the side of my paper. Acronyms were poems, weren't they? And let's be frank, sometimes acronyms were just easier than regular poems.

For the next few minutes I tried not to look at Riku again as I turned ideas for the poem over in my mind, but it wasn't easy. I sighed and laid my head down on the desk, tapping my pen on the notebook next to me. This became uncomfortable quickly, so I leaned back in my chair, head rolling back, and decided to pretend that the ceiling was incredibly fascinating.

But, as I feared, my eyes soon wandered towards a certain silver haired, bright eyed boy. He was no longer looking at me with cold eyes, but rather focused entirely on whatever it was he was writing. I decided that his handwriting was sprawling yet neat, and the words he used were words like 'quixotic' and 'evanescent', words that had a mystical ring to them when one used them properly, which he definitely did. I decided that he preferred the contrast of black ink rather than the soft look of blue, and that he wrote in disjointed script, some letters connected with sharp, quick strokes, others standing completely on their own. I decided that he loved the look of a blank page and smiled secret smiles when he saw the words hiding safely between blue lines.

I also decided that I loved him best when he was concentrating on something he loved, when he was lost in his own world filled with poems and stories yet to be written, waiting for him to pluck them out of the air and give them a home. That was when his eyes shone the most brilliantly, when his hair fell into his face, despite it being tied back, and caught at the corner of his lip, perching there teasingly as he ignored its presence, too wrapped up in his writing to bother with brushing it away. As he bent over the paper, my eyes followed the smooth curve of his back, lingering at the patch of porcelain skin peeking out from between his low-slung pants and tight shirt.

He looked up and caught my eye, and all I could do was continue staring. I new I looked like a fool with my eyes half closed and my mouth slightly agape, but at the moment I really didn't care. He was beautiful and I couldn't stop staring.

When he raised a brow at me as my gaze refused to wander away, my mind began to protest wildly. It screamed at me to look away and stop being so stupid. He was mad at me as it was – he didn't need me staring at him like a piece of meat. But I couldn't look away. I just couldn't. Everything about him was like a magnet to me. If I were any bolder and if no one had been in the room besides the two of us, I had no doubt that I'd cross the room and throw my arms around him, running my hands through his silky hair and chanting adorations as I pressed close to him.

And then the phrase "saved by the bell" took on a new meaning for me. The annoyingly digital chime signaling the end of the day sounded loudly and I jumped up to rush out of the room as I shoved the notebook in an old messenger bag I'd also borrowed from Selphie.

Unfortunately, I was not the only one who had thanked God for the end of the day. Students crowded at the door, pushing past each other in order to get out into yet another crowd they'd have to push their way through. I sighed impatiently, shifting my weight from one foot to another and throwing glances at Riku, who was taking his time gathering his things. I was terrified that he'd want to talk to me again, say something about how crazy I was and how he just wanted me to leave him alone, or jump off a bridge, or something like that. Not that I didn't want to do the latter anyway.

The crowd finally cleared and I darted out the door, but not before a hand reached out and pulled me to the side. Swallowing hard, I looked up sheepishly at Riku as he locked eyes with me. I was in the exact opposite situation of that I'd found myself caught in before. Instead of not being able to look away, I couldn't bear to meet his gaze.

"Sora," he started.

"Listen, I'm sorry, okay?" I blabbered out before he could continue. "I didn't mean to be in this class – Selphie convinced me to take it. I'm sorry. I know you're creeped out, and I don't blame you but, I . . . I can't help it." I mumbled.

"I'd figured as much," he said with an exasperated sigh.

"Well, I'm not going to bother you anymore, so you don't have to worry about that," I whispered, "As soon as I have enough money I'm going back to. . ." I stopped. I didn't know where I was going back to. Honolulu wasn't home anymore. San Francisco had never been home, not even remotely. "Once I have enough money I'll be out of your hair." I walked away swiftly, leaving Riku behind with a rather bewildered look on his face.

As I pushed through a small crowd of people clogging the hallway, I could feel tears pricking behind my eyes, building up slowly, and I tried to concentrate on not letting them spill over. But sometimes, it's more difficult to stop them the more you concentrate. Sometimes you can feel them rush through your tear duct as you let out a sob, strangled by your effort not to let it escape. Sometimes you can feel them blazing across your already heated cheeks as you bow your head and hide your eyes from the passing students, who must already have a very low opinion of you.

Sometimes you pray to every deity known to man that they don't notice that the obsessive faggot of a new-kid-in-town is running away from the one he loves as he cries like a child. Sometimes your prayers come true.

"Sora! Sora, what's wrong?"

And sometimes, they don't.

"Nothing," I whispered as Selphie ran towards me.

"Don't give me that," she chided, rolling her eyes, "you're crying, Sora. That means something's wrong."

I stared at the floor for a long while, chewing my lower lip until the already chapped surface split and a small burst of metallic-tasting blood spilled into my mouth.

"Selphie?" I asked after a moment.

"Yeah, Sora?"

"Will you help me find a job?"

"What?"

"I'm leaving," I explained, "once I get enough money I'm leaving Belleview and going back to. . .somewhere."

Selphie watched me worriedly, her bright green eyes, a good deal less blue than Riku's were, traveling over my face as she searched for something and her eyes locked on to my own eyes before searching them too.

"Yeah," she offered softly, "yeah. Okay. We'll go as soon as I get some time."

"Thank you," I whispered, wiping my eyes for what seemed the thousandth time that day.


	4. It's Sora

**Author's Note:** Woah! Another update! I think I win. Anywho, here's the next chapter of Face, in which Sora stops being a whiney emo bitch! Hooray! Oh, and guess what! In about a month it's FotSBL's birthday! Wheeee! Confetti time! Dance party! I am so tired. Ramble, ramble, ramble. Wooooo! I like cheese.

**Disclaimer:** Me? Own Kingdom Hearts? Poppycock!

Chapter Four: _"It's Sora."_

"C'moooon!" Selphie whined, pulling at my arm.

"No," I stated, pouting resolutely.

"Soooraaaa! You have to come to the party! _Have_ to Sora!"

"No, I don't."

"What are you gonna do?" she asked, finally freeing me and sitting on the floor, matching my pout with one of her own.

"You can't just sit here all night. You'll be doing more than enough of that next week."

"Next week?" I asked, my pout dissolving.

Selphie nodded, smiling up at me as her hair bounced with the enthusiasm of her action. "I'm going to visit my mother for Christmas."

Selphie had never really mentioned why she lived on her own, though she had mentioned that both parents were alive and well. I didn't press the matter. If she wanted to talk about it, she would.

"Christmas?" I squeaked pathetically instead. I had completely lost track of time. Christmas was next week. What the hell was I going to do? I had no home to go to, no family to visit. I barely even had any friends to buy presents for or exchange greetings with.

"Yes, Christmas, Sora," Selphie cooed, "and I'll be gone so come to the party and have your fun while you can!"

Sighing I sat behind her and she scooched towards me to pull at the hem of my shirt.

"I don't know anyone who'll be there," I explained.

"You know me! And you can get to know the others," she whined, once more resorting to arm pulling.

"You're hurting me," I said, trying to wrestle my arm free.

"Say you'll come and I'll stop."

"I don't want to, Selphie."

The girl smirked up at me and her eyes sparkled mischievously.

"Riku will be there."

"Even more reason for me not to go!" I said, groaning and fighting off a blush.

"Ugh. Gross Sora! You'll get nowhere with an attitude like that, least of all in Riku's pants!"

"Selphie!" I cried as the blush broke past my restraints and stained my cheeks.

"Sora!" she retorted, half whining as she latched on to my body, causing me to flop forward and fall off of the couch.

"What?" I asked, voice muffled by the carpet my mouth was pressed against as Selphie sat on my back, smashing me into the floor.

"Come. Do it."

"No."

"I hate you, you know that?"

"Selphie that's a bit. . ."

"You're being a coward, Sora," she chided.

"By not wanting to go to a party where I don't know anyone?"

"No, by not being willing to get to know them!"

"I just don't see any point in it! I'm leaving – "

"Once you get enough money, I know," Selphie interrupted, "But it's going to take you a really long time and you'll need friends during that time."

"I was fine without them in San Francisco."

Selphie raised an eyebrow at me, "Were you now?" she asked, obviously doubting the validity of my previous statement.

But I had been fine. I hadn't minded working all week and all weekend, and I hadn't minded not having anyone to wish me Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday, or worry about me when I was sick or notice when I was upset. I'd been perfectly content spending my few free hours sitting in my room in a house full of people who hated me, doing absolutely nothing. . .

I'd been perfectly. . .perfectly. . .content.

"Fine," I said, defeated, "I'll go to Tidus's party.

"Yaaaa-aaaay!" Selphie squealed and jumped up, bouncing around the room.

"Let's go! Let's go! We're already late," she continued, dragging me towards the door, stopping only to throw on a jacket and allow me to do the same.

As we stepped outside of the apartment building, into the cool air and light flurry of snow, Selphie looped her arm through my own.

"You know," she said softly, as if afraid to break the quaint hush that I imagined often fell over small towns when it snowed, "I wouldn't have gone to the party without you."

I blinked slowly, glancing over at Selphie as she smiled warmly at me.

"Oh?" I asked, smiling back, "Even though Tidus is throwing it?"

The girl gasped and a faint blush creeped into her cheeks, barely noticeable due to their already rose hue, a result of the cold air.

"How did you know!" she whined.

"Selph, his name was written all over the first three pages of the notebook you lent me a few days ago."

Selphie giggled, rubbing the back of her neck, "I forgot about that."

"That wasn't the only name either," I said with a laugh, "you seem to be keen on some of our teachers."

"Well can you blame me?" she cried, "They're just so yummy!"

Selphie pulled me to the left and lead me up to a nearby doorstep before removing her arm from mine.

"Here we are," she explained, ringing the doorbell.

I took a deep breath as the door opened and Selphie ushered me inside.

"You got him to come, eh?" Tidus asked as I entered, slapping me on the back as Selphie nodded her reply, "Glad you decided to show up. Riku's around somewhere."

"Tidus!" Selphie warned as I blushed and hung my head.

"What? What did I do?" I heard Tidus ask as he and Selphie walked into the other room. I followed reluctantly, sitting in an empty armchair in the corner as Tidus and Selphie joined a circle of teens, a few I recognized, but most I did not.

"What's going on here?" Selphie asked, ignoring Tidus's previous question.

As I sat in the armchair, picking at a loose thread at the hem of the shirt Selphie had loaned me, I heard several voices reply with an answer of "spin the bottle", which, I admit, surprised me. Seventeen years old and they were still playing spin the bottle? From the little knowledge I had of teen parties, spin the bottle was something they retired after middle school. Not that I was one to lecture on mature behavior, after my lovely breakdown earlier that week.

The game continued, and as I continued picking at my hem, I found myself incredibly regretful that I had not stayed at the apartment, and ardently wishing that I were anywhere else but at the party. And so, as Selphie pouted to herself because her spin did not land on Tidus, I walked into the kitchen and slipped out the back door onto the porch.

I was greeted by a rush of cool air, somewhat welcome after the stifling artificial heat of Tidus's house, and a piercing gaze.

A froze and my eyes found the source of the gaze, and I shivered, again unsure if it was because I was cold or if it was because of Riku.

"Sorry," I whispered, looking down at the thin layer of snow that had coated the porch and hoping that my hair was unruly enough to somehow cover the blush that was coating my cheeks.

"I didn't know anyone was out here. I'll go," I murmured, stepping backwards and starting to close the sliding door.

"No, it's okay," he said softly, and I stopped, looking at him questioningly.

"Really. Stay."

Blinking, I stepped back onto the snow-covered porch and closed the door behind me before taking a seat on some patio furniture near Riku. I hardly noticed that I was sitting in a pile of snow.

"They still playing spin the bottle in there?" Riku asked, gazing off into the serene wooded landscape beyond the porch. This soft flurry was considerably different from the blizzard we'd met in, and its quiet, calm nature seemed to make his beauty more apparent and his eyes harsher. His hair fell about his shoulders gracefully, its silver color and his pale complexion making him seem as though he were sculpted of snow, and had come outside to feel more at home, even as his iridescent eyes shone like a beacon of warmth.

"Yeah," I murmured finally, pulling my gaze away from Riku and smiling to myself.

He laughed softly and my heart gave a small contented flutter.

"Pretty juvenile isn't it?" he asked, and I nodded reluctantly, still smiling a little, but no longer really meaning it.

Silence fell between us as Riku again become absorbed in his own thoughts, and I continued to fiddle with my quickly, and now almost completely destroyed, fraying hem.

"Listen," Riku said finally, "I tried to tell you this the other day, but you interrupted me."

I swallowed hard, knowing he was about to bring up my stalking him. I was tempted to interrupt him again and assure him that I'd be gone as soon as possible, but decided against it.

"Anyway, the point is, I'm sorry."

I furrowed my brows in confusion, "Sorry?" I asked. What could he be sorry for? I was the one who should be apologizing to him.

"Yeah. I was a little harsh on you the other day. I admit this whole thing does creep me out a bit, but most of what I said to you was sort of me taking out some pent up anger, which was pretty shitty of me. So, I'm sorry."

I smiled a little and shook my head, before falling silent. There was a slight blush warming my cheeks and my small smile adamantly refused to melt away, even though a corner of my mind protested this moment of happiness. Riku may not have hated me, but he had admitted that I creeped him out, which meant I'd still find a job, and I'd still leave Belleview as soon as possible.

"You look cold," Riku noted, though with more intent towards breaking the awkward silence than showing concern for me.

"A little," I admitted.

"Let's head in," he offered, rising to open the sliding door and usher me back into the house.

We walked through the kitchen and into the living room where I resumed my seat in the armchair. Riku stood in front of me, taking place in the circle as Kairi and I boy I did not recognize shared a chaste peck of the lips.

"This is the lamest game of spin the bottle I've ever seen," Riku declared, "you guys aren't even actually kissing."

"Then why don't you do something about it?" Tidus asked, motioning towards the bottle in the center.

"Fine," Riku said with a shrug. "I'm making out with the next person this lands on, but then I'm out."

I breathed a sigh of relief safe from this humiliating game as I hid, nestled just outside of the circle, secured even more by the fact that I was behind the spinner. I wanted no part in this.

The bottle spun quickly, making soft "shushing" sounds against the plush carpet as it slowed to a stop.

"Awwww! No fun!" I heard Selphie whine, followed by several mutterings of "re-spin" and a rather loud "make out with yourself" from Tidus, before Kairi cheerfully piped in.

"It's Sora."

"What?" I cried, looking up quickly.

As I did so, Riku whirled around and cupped my chin in his hand.

And then, everything disappeared, melted into darkness, except the soft, warm lips that pressed to mine and the slick tongue that darted in to caress my own before swiftly slipping away.

The darkness was shattered as my eyes flew open and I struggled to catch my breath and control the blush I knew was rapidly coloring my cheeks. Then, without thinking, I burst into nervous giggles and Selphie ran over, latching on to me and squealing.

When I managed to pry her away from me, I was still in a daze, with a wide grin plastered across my face, and I stayed that way through out the night, despite the fact that Riku had completely disappeared.


	5. At First It Was Nothing

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took me so long to update! I know I promised some of you I would have this up last week, but some things got in the way and I had to postpone the update. I've been really busy these last few months, and again, I am so sorry about the long update waits. Those should be considerably shortened soon, because school is getting out, and I'm graduating and not going to college until January because of some run-ins with evil guidance counselors. Also, I have at least two new fics waiting to be uploaded very soon and I hope you check those out. Anyway, here is the next chapter of Face! We learn about Sora's past and I kind of just throw it all at you in one giant clump, but his past is pretty trivial in the over-all plot so I figure it's okay for you to learn about it quickly as it will explain how he was able to move to Connecticut by himself in the first place. It's really cliche, but it's the only way I could make it work so please don't shoot me!

P.S. I'm taking writing comissions! If you're interested, go to my profile and click on the link there.

Chapter Five:  _"At First It Was Nothing"_

"Sora?"

"Yeah. . ." I replied hesitantly, surprised by the fact that I was receiving a phone call. I hadn't been in Connecticut for more than two weeks.

"It's Kairi."

"Oh, hey," I replied casually, though wondering why Kairi would have called me now, when I'd seen her not even two hours ago at Tidus's party.

"I just wanted to apologize, for earlier," she said softly, almost too softly for me to hear.

"Apologize?"

"Yeah, about the whole. . .thing. . .with spin the bottle. I didn't mean to. It just kind of slipped, and I didn't realize Riku would actually go through with it. Then again, he's never been one to back out on his word," she spat out quickly, the words rushing forth in a singular breath.

I smiled to myself and blushed as I spoke.

"Don't be," I breathed, "I mean, what about that is there to be sorry for?"

It had only been the greatest moment of my entire life.

"Sora, please understand that it didn't mean anything."

My heart dropped and instantly shattered into a million pieces, which tore apart several of my internal organs, spilling acid out to eat away at those that had not been harmed by my heart.

"What?" I whispered.

"Listen, Sora, it was just a coincidence. Nothing more. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't said anything. Once I said it though, Riku wasn't about to do nothing. He told us he would kiss the next person the bottle landed on, and he _never_ goes back on his word. I didn't mean to Sora. I wasn't thinking. It just. . .slipped out. I'm sorry."

Kairi was blabbering nervously and I could hear her voice shaking a bit and could tell that she was pacing quickly from her quick and uneven breath.

I didn't know how to respond. It made sense, what she said about Riku never going back on his word, about it being a coincidence. About the kiss meaning nothing. But I was reluctant to admit it. I wanted to think that it had, I wished for it with every breath I took. Since the party I'd been thinking of nothing but Riku and the kiss, and how everything would change now, how we would be together and after years I would finally have someone to care about me.

How I'd finally be happy again.

"Yeah, uh. . .oh, no! No, no, don't be. It's okay. I, uh, I understand." I muttered absentmindedly, realizing that I'd been silent for too long.

Kairi remained silent for a long while, and I contemplated telling her I had to go and hanging up.

"Are you sure?" she asked finally.

"Yeah," I almost snapped back at her.

"You okay?"

"I will be," I whispered, throwing in a quick, meaningless laugh in an attempt to hide the lack of truth in that statement.

"I, uh, I heard Selphie is helping you find a job?" Kairi chirped in an obvious effort to lighten the mood a bit.

"Yes, she is."

"Be careful," she warned, toppling my theory that she'd been trying to brighten things up, "Selphie tends to get too involved with other people's business. Especially when it comes to romance."

I glanced at the couch where Selphie was sitting. She was peering over the back of the couch and she grinned sheepishly at my catching her as she surveyed my conversation.

"Yeah, I can see that," I replied bitterly.

"Well, uh, I hope everything goes well. And, uh, I really am sorry Sora," Kairi said softly, clearly winding down the conversation.

"Thanks."

"See you Monday then?"

"Yeah. See you."

Hanging up the phone, I headed back towards the couch, my insides still feeling like they'd been slashed open and were currently eating away at each other.

"Who was it?" Selphie asked excitedly.

"Kairi," I answered, moving past her with heavy steps, feeling rather weighed down, as if the entire sky had decided to deflate itself and crumple up in a rather dense ball right on top of the exact spot I was standing in.

"I'm going to bed," I continued before she could ask what the topic of conversation had been. I opened the door to the spare room where she'd set up an air mattress for me until she could convince her mother that she needed a new bad. I still wasn't clear on what the situation with Selphie's parents was, but I really couldn't have cared less.

Flopping down on the ratty, uncomfortable thing, I sighed heavily and wrapped myself around the flimsy pillow Selphie had leant me.

For the second time in the past two weeks, I'd built up my hopes as high as I could, only to have them topple down snap my emotional spine.

Riku didn't like me, and he never would. He may have apologized, and he may of kissed me, but he still hated me.

* * *

About two weeks after the party, I found myself being shoved through the door of a dry cleaner's within walking distance of the apartment, where Selphie had managed to get me a job. Because of Kairi's warning, I was very wary of this, suspecting that this job played into one of her plans to interfere with my personal business. 

As I stepped through the door, an electronic chime bleated loudly, alerting anyone in the building to my presence.

"Be right there!" came a bright call from the back.

I looked around, surveying my surroundings. There was a low counter to my left, with a walkway leading to several washing machines behind it, and a long dry cleaning rack. On top of the counter was what looked like a computer, and next to the counter, partially obstructing the pathway was a scale, which had a basket rather than the usual flat weighing surface.

As I continued my inspection a young woman with short black hair came bounding through the opening to grab my hand and shake it enthusiastically.

"You must be Sora!" she trilled, "I'm Yuffie. My dad owns the joint, but I run it for him. Welcome aboard! Once our other employee shows up I'll be leaving and he'll train you. It's all really easy. Push a couple buttons, pour some soap and keep any money you find in the washers or driers," she concluded with a sly wink.

"Okay?" I replied, a little flustered by how fast she was speaking and how much she reminded me of Selphie.

"For now," Yuffie continued, reaching for a slip of paper and a pen, "fill out your name on this time card and tack it to the bulletin board in the back, by the bathroom."

The chime sounded again and the three of us turned to greet whoever had entered.

"About time you showed up!" Yuffie cried as she whirled around.

Selphie had stopped smiling and was chewing her lower lip.

I was holding my breath, silently cursing Selphie and thanking Kairi for her warning.

"Sorry," Riku said slowly, eyes narrowed and locked on me, "I accidentally slept in." His voice was low and sharp and I could practically feel its edge scraping against my heart.

"Psh. . ." Yuffie huffed, waving a hand dismissively at him and rolling her eyes, "like I actually care? This is Sora. Show him the ropes, then get to work. I'm leaving."

"Wait!" Selphie yelled, rushing out the door after Yuffie and throwing an almost apologetic glance over her shoulder.

After the two girls left, Riku and I stood in silence, his eyes still narrowed, and mine carefully avoiding him.

"You. . .work here?" he asked finally. I'd hoped a break in the silence would cut through the thick discomfort, but it instead increased it, and despite the winter wind blowing outside I suddenly felt as if the air was heavy with moisture and heat.

"Yeah, uh. . .Selphie got me the job," I replied softly, hoping this would clear the air and explain this newest development in my position as Riku's stalker.

Scoffing, Riku rolled his eyes and muttered, "Figures."

I released my breath quietly, not sure how long I'd been holding it.

"I didn't know - "

"Don't worry, I understand," Riku interrupted, "she's done this type of thing before, and she'll do it again."

"So I've heard," I muttered under my breath, following Riku as he ushered me towards the counter and explained how to work the different machines and the cash register.

"What do we do now?" I asked after we'd loaded a few bags of laundry into the washers.

He shrugged.

"Nothing. We don't do anything until a customer comes in or the laundry's done."

I blinked slowly, watching as Riku took a seat on the floor behind the counter, reaching behind him as he did so and grabbing a lollipop from a bag on a shelf next to some paper and pens. He unwrapped the treat and I tried not to make it terribly obvious that I was watching as he placed it in his mouth.

After a few moments of silence, I joined him on the ground, content to while away my free time by concentrating on my own thoughts.

But all I could think of was Riku. Riku, and the way the lollipop wrapper was being crumpled between his pale fingers. Riku and the way the lollipop stick dangled delicately between his petal soft lips. Riku, and the way he cocked his head to the side as he stared off into space, silver hair brushing against his shoulders and occasionally sweeping across his face. Riku, and the way he made my heart beat faster and faster until I thought it would sprout wings and soar away.

Swallowing hard, I wrenched my gaze away from him and glued it to something else; something I wasn't paying attention to and therefore was unable to tell what it was. I contented myself with listening to his soft breaths and timing my own against his, inhaling when he did, exhaling as the breath passed with a hushed sound through his lips.

"Where did you say you were from again?" he asked, breaking the silence and startling me.

"Honolulu," I replied automatically.

"And you came all the way here by yourself? Why?"

I looked up finally and glanced at Riku incredulously. He knew the answer to that perfectly well.

"Well, yeah," he stuttered, letting out something resembling a chuckle, "but. . .I just don't understand. There must have been some other reason behind it. I mean, you didn't know anything about me. Hell, you didn't even know if I still lived here!"

I paused, waiting to answer until I'd processed this.

I'd never really thought about _exactly_ why I'd decided to follow a piece of trash to a town halfway across the world. To me, the answer had always been automatic – to find my soul mate. To find my soul mate and finally. . .

Finally have something better.

"I. . .ever since my. . .just after I found. . ." I stopped, collecting my thoughts and waiting for the lump in my throat to disappear.

"For a long time that bottle was the only thing in my life that wasn't horrible. I guess I mostly came here for that reason; to find something better. To find something good again."

Riku's expression softened and my soul died a little because of the almost fragile look of it.

"What," he whispered, as if knowing he was about to ask some forbidden question, which I was sure he was, "what about your parents?"

I took a deep breath before answering.

"I never met my father. My mom never even mentioned him, and I was perfectly content not knowing anything about him."

Riku remained silent as I began to stare at the floor again, watching as a small spider made its way towards my foot.

"She did mention him, once, actually," I corrected myself, recalling that she indeed had.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it was just after I found that bottle. Well, bought it. At first it was nothing but a bottle with a picture on it, but then Mom found it. She started teasing me, asking if I thought you were cute," I laughed a little, remembering the way she'd scrunch up her nose whenever she laughed, and the way her short blonde hair caught on the angles of her face as she tossed back her head.

"I finally admitted that I did, and she dropped it. But the next day when I came into the kitchen for breakfast the bottle was sitting on the table. She'd taken it out of the trash. From then on she wouldn't stop teasing. She kept asking when I planned on leaving her and shipping off to Connecticut, and claimed she could probably get my father to pay for the flight. One day she came in to my room to wake me up humming the wedding march and carrying a wedding veil for me," I laughed again, this time joined by the bright sound of Riku's laugh as well.

After we finished, I fell silent and instantly sobered. Riku seemed to sense the drastic shift in my mood and leaned forward, narrowing his eyes in concerning and careful to pay more attention.

"Before she even wore the joke out. . .before she could even think to be sick of, before either of us could. . .she. . .died. She got into a car accident. After the funeral I was sent to San Francisco to live with my aunt and uncle. They would control my inheritance and look after me until I was eighteen. They wouldn't let me bring anything with me that wasn't absolutely necessary, but I managed to sneak the bottle past them. It was all I had left of my mother.

Once my aunt found out I was gay, she flipped a shit. She wouldn't let me leave the house unless it was to go to school, and I had to cook my own meals and wasn't allowed to talk to my cousins. So, I took her to court, got emancipated, and my inheritance was in my control. The first thing I could think to do was to buy a plan ticket here."

I stopped again. The numbness I'd used to feel when telling this story wasn't there this time. This time my heart was aching, dull and dead feeling.

"And soon it wasn't just trying to get away from my problems. It wasn't me trying to hold on to the memory of my mother. Slowly, eventually, I fell in love."

I sniffled, wiping away my tears. Riku was silent, not even his breath made a noise, and his head was hanging forward. I could tell he felt guilty for asking about my past, for making me relive it all.

But he had a right to know why I was here, why I was following him across the world and proclaiming my love to him the moment I met him.

"I didn't mean to - " he began suddenly.

"No, it's okay."

"You really didn't have to - "

"No, I did."

We lapsed into silence again, until the washing machines buzzed loudly and both of us sprang eagerly to busy our minds with something other than the sorrow that had curled around us like a sleeping snake.


	6. An Extra Marshmallow Type of Guy

**Author's Note: **Could it be? Another update? So soon? Yes! This chapter I'm actually quite fond of. I think the ending bit is really adorable, and I'm happy about the actual writing. The way I've been writing Face lately has been bothering me, so I tried extra hard to make this not suck. The only problem I have with it is that I had to do some tricky maneuvering to fix a continuity problem that occurred last chapter. So if it seems like I'm pulling something out of my bum to cover up a mistake. . .I am. Oh yeah, and I'm still taking writing commissions. –coughs- If you can, please take one. I am in great need of money. –cries- There's a link to my commission HQ in my profile, and my "homepage" link leads to it as well.

Chapter Six: _"An 'Extra Marshmallow' Type of Guy"_

"You lied to me," Selphie said, a hushed whisper, barely audible over the rush of water from the faucet. She didn't look at me as she handed me the dish she'd just finished washing. I took it gingerly, narrowing my eyes and pouting.

"When did I ever lie to you?" I asked, passing my now damp towel over the smooth, pearly surface of the plate.

"When we first met," she answered just as softly, punctuating her statement with the sharp click of the faucet and the sudden absence of running water. "When you told me about your past you lied. You said you worked, lived on your own, for two years. You didn't. You lied."

She was right. I'd lied to her. I'd lied to her and I hadn't even realized it. I'd made up the story about earning money for airfare long ago to tell anyone who asked. It was easier to hint at something tragic and leave out details than to tell the truth, and the lie had become habit. Riku was the only person I'd ever told the real story.

"How did you - ?" I began.

"Riku called earlier, while you were on your way back from work. He told me everything you told him on your first day."

"Oh, I see," I replied lamely, finally deciding that my plate was indeed dry. I moved to return it to the cabinet, very aware of the fact that Selphie was watching, waiting for a more appropriate response.

"You know Sora, I understand," she whispered.

"What?"

"I understand why you don't want to tell the truth. It hurts, I know."

I almost got angry then. I hated it when people told me they understood when they had no clue what I'd been through. But, Selphie was alone, wasn't she? Maybe she did understand.

After a moment, she giggled and chirped, "Just don't do it again, 'kay?"

Smiling at her sheepishly, I worried my lower lip and nodded.

"Tidus should be here soon," Selphie murmured, flopping onto the couch and picking at her fingernails, "he's bringing me to my mom's for the week."

Taking a seat next to her, I shot her a questioning glance.

"Emancipation," she answered curtly. "You alright to be on your own for a few days? I can take you with me," she offered, voice smooth and velvety, laced with concern.

I nodded, not really sure how I'd handle my first Christmas alone. Last year my aunt and uncle had still believed I was a good little Christian, so Christmas had been almost exactly like any other.

Almost.

"Kairi's having a party tomorrow, she called while you were working to invite you. I can have Tidus swing by and pick you up on his way if you want," the brunette crooned, unusually calm and sounding as if she were talking to a small child, or a wounded puppy.

I nodded slowly, not sure if this party was a good idea. I still wasn't really friends with anyone but Selphie, and I was wary after the events of Tidus's party.

The almost hollow thud of knocking sounded from the door and Selphie bounded towards the bathroom. She emerged a moment later, blushing and winking at me before bursting through the front door.

My heart clenched a little as the door clicked shut. It was already awkward being in the apartment without Selphie there, and I'd been dreading a lonely Christmas ever since my aunt had decided that I was no better than an axe murderer.

* * *

I exhaled suddenly, eyes snapping open, and gasped desperately, grubbing for air like a fish out of water. My body was sore, and it felt like someone had thrown a cinderblock onto my chest.

"Wake up," I heard someone say angrily, "we're late."

I blinked slowly and groaned, pushing on the weight that was pinning me to Selphie's mattress. It was warm and I peered at it, surprised by its heat. Electric blue eyes, framed by a shock of blonde hair and a pearly, lopsided grin, peered back.

"Tidus?" I mumbled groggily, vaguely remembering that he was supposed to be here.

"That's right, kiddo," he chirped, tumbling off of my chest and stretching out on the ground, limbs twisting in a very feline manner.

"How did you get in here?" I asked, my words still muddled with sleep, as I rubbed at my eyes and breathed in deeply, glad that Tidus had removed himself.

"You didn't answer when I knocked, so I let myself in," his words were muffled as well, though this was due to the fact that his face was buried in the carpet. I had no clue what the hell he was doing.

"You have a key?"

The blonde's face suddenly appeared next to mine, his chin resting on the bed.

"We all do," he answered as if I should already be aware of this fact. "Now geddup!"

Tidus's hands lunged at me, and I yelped as his fingers twisted around my ankles and he yanked me to the floor. The wind was knocked out of me again as I landed, Tidus having leapt out of the way just in time to avoid a collision.

"If you're so eager to go you really shouldn't injure me like this," I groaned, sitting up cautiously.

"Stop being a baby and let's move!"

Jerking me to my feet, Tidus lurched through the apartment and shoved me into the bathroom, watching as I began brushing my teeth.

"Wai ahr oo in 'uch a 'urry?" I grumbled around a mouthful of toothpaste, crinkling my nose in distaste as a little dribbled out of the corner of my mouth.

"Because I've spent the last twenty minutes trying to wake you up, while Riku's been waiting in the car, with the heat off. Aaaand, I don't want to be responsible for his freezing to death, and I'm sure as hell that you feel the same."

I spat my frothy, minty saliva into the sink and gaped at Tidus. Something nagged in the corner of my mind, telling me that this was not a coincidence, but another of Selphie's setups.

Tidus nodded, "Damn straight," he muttered with a grin, knowing exactly what I was thinking, "Er. . .well. . ."

I watched, half amused as Tidus processed his statement, head cocked to one side and eyes narrowed.

"Anyway!" he declared suddenly, "let's go!" Grabbing my wrist, he pulled me out the door and into the hallway, pausing only to allow me to put on my coat and proper shoes. As we stumbled down the stairs and out the front door I mumbled a complaint about my still being in pajamas, which Tidus dismissed as not being important while throwing open his car doors.

"Sorry," he offered to Riku, who was sitting in the front seat, "Spike here sleeps like a fucking rock."

Riku shrugged as I buckled up, the heat of a blush prickling beneath my skin. As the car started, belching out hot air and rolling into the street, I felt small shivers course through my frame and glanced up through my especially unruly bangs, locking eyes with Riku in the rear view mirror. Even in reflections his eyes managed to sink into my very soul and make it quiver.

I lowered my eyes quickly, barely catching the slant of a smirk as it slid across Riku's features. My heart stopped as he chuckled and my mind instantly catalogued the sound, comparing it to every other laugh I'd ever heard him laugh.

"What?" I snapped softly, unable to rein in my reaction, as my mind was busy flipping through memories.

"Nothing," Riku replied, his voice dripping with the sound of that smirk, shoulders rising and falling sharply in a dismissive shrug.

I spent the rest of the brief car ride glaring at the mirror, hoping Riku and I would lock gazes again and he would see that I was slightly upset with him. _Only_ slightly.

When we pulled into Kairi's driveway I bolted out of the car, faintly hearing Tidus's grumbled "what's his problem" as I bounded up the doorsteps and rang the doorbell. The chiming was punctuated by a loud thud and a pitchy giggle as something collided with my back. Whirling around I saw Kairi jumping in glee behind some bushes, as Wakka and a few kids I recognized from Tidus's party emerged as well.

"Glad you decided to show up!" Kairi crooned, pulling back her auburn hair into a loose ponytail. "Hey, 'Ku! Go inside and make us some hot chocolate?" she called breathlessly as Riku and Tidus reached the yard, which I know saw was littered with foot prints and patches where snow had been scooped up and hurled at rosy-cheeked, cheery friends.

"Do it yourself," Riku scoffed, directly behind me, causing me to jump a little.

Kairi opened her mouth to retort, but was interrupted as a blonde boy, whose name I did not know, barreled into her and they fell to the ground, Kairi shrieking and the boy laughing in a mockingly sinister tone. Behind me, Riku sighed and I listened to the door creak open, resisting the urge to watch him walk away.

"Soooooo-ra!" a voice cooed behind me, immediately before something very wet and very cold was shoved into my face. I inhaled instinctively, regretting the action and half-sneezing as snow flew into my nostrils. Turning, snow tumbling off of my face, I glared at my offender, none other than Tidus himself. My retaliation was similar to the blonde's assault on Kairi, and it soon resulted in an all out free-for-all. People were shoved and tackled, snow crept into any and all collars, sleeves and pant legs and was ignored until we all fell breathless, Kairi and a girl named Olette began to complain.

With perfect timing, Riku emerged from the house, beginning a relay of steaming mugs. Finally, he handed me a mug and I strung together every thread of self-control to keep from reacting as our fingertips brushed against each other.

"I put in extra marshmallows for you," he said, smiling, "You struck me as an 'extra marshmallow' type of guy."

I couldn't help but blush at that. Riku had done something for me, _just_ for me; for the sole purpose of making _me_ happy.

And he was right, I was an 'extra marshmallow' type of guy.

I buried my face in the mug, delighting in the steam that collected there and warmed the tips of my nose and my cheeks, and successfully hiding my slightly-too-rosy cheeks and wide, goofy grin as I quickly swallowed my extra marshmallows. The extra marshmallows Riku had given me. I glanced over at him, trying to discern if he too were an 'extra marshmallow' type of guy.

If he was, his marshmallows, extra and non-extra alike, were already gone, and he was pouring his drink onto the snow. I raised an eyebrow at him as he glanced over and smiled, cocking his head to the side, his hair falling across his face like wisps of moonlight.

"Try it," he suggested, scooping up the chocolaty, snowy mixture and taking a bite out of it.

So, I poured my hot chocolate into the snow and tried it. I didn't know if this was a common practice, as I'd never had hot chocolate outside in the snow before. Hell, I'd never even played in the snow before. But whether it was common or something uniquely Riku – which I preferred to believe – I liked it. It was like a chocolate snow cone, which I'd always wondered about but had never actually seen in existence.

"Good?" Riku asked, smiling as I nodded. "I don't like hot drinks much," he explained.

"Me either," I replied, secretly reveling in the fact that we had this in common.

"Makes sense. Hot drinks wouldn't do much good in Hawaii."

"No, they wouldn't."

"What would it be like there, this time of year?"

"Well, down there, right now, it's summer," I answered.

"So you wouldn't be in school right now? I bet that was a bitch to adjust to when you moved to California."

I shook my head. "It was actually pretty nice. I moved up during their summer, our winter, so I got to skip a grade, technically."

"Really? So you're what, 16? Even though you're a junior?" Riku asked.

"Well, I will be soon."

"When?"

"February 19th."

"That's only ten days after my birthday," Riku informed me, flopping backwards to lay in the snow, "though, I'll be turning 17 this year."

"Really?" I squeaked, absolutely enthralled by the fact that our birthdays were so close.

He nodded as he moved his arms in an arch in the snow, swinging them from just next to his head to just next to his sides and scissoring his legs.

"Ever make a snow angel?" he asked, glancing at me questioningly.

"A what?"

"Here, help me up and I'll show you."

I rose, trudging through the snow to grab Riku's hands. As his fingers twisted with my own a sharp jolt raced through my veins and I suddenly felt very hot, as if he had burned me with his touch. I pulled him up and quickly released his hands, scared to hold on too long and freak him out again.

"Look," he said, pointing at where he had just been laying.

I followed his finger, to where the rough silhouette of an angel was laying in the snow. If I didn't know any better, I'd have found it easy to believe that he'd created it simply by lying there, no scissoring or swinging involved.

"That's a snow angel?" I asked.

"That's a snow angel," he answered, smiling at me. "You try. Just lay in the snow and do exactly what I did. I'll help you up when you're done so you don't mess it up with handprints."

I nodded and lay down in a clean patch of snow, scissoring my legs and swinging my arms. When Riku grasped my hands that same, scalding shock leapt through my nerves and he pulled me up sharply. I stumbled a bit, landing too close to him and blushing.

"Sorry," he murmured, "I didn't realize how light you were."

"It's okay," I murmured back, smiling, full of glee now that I could see that Riku no longer saw me as some twisted freak who followed him to the ends of the earth.

Things were changing, I could tell. However slightly, things were changing and, for once, it was for the better.


	7. Until A New Beginning

**Author's Note:** Yay! Chapter Seven! It's New Year's. . .keep in mind that I had originally planned to have this up by New Year's this year. Gah. I've gotta work on my updating speed. Sorry. Anyway, some of you have been getting too excited. I've got great things in store for this fic, friends. It won't be over for a long, long time. Insert evil laughter here.

Chapter Seven:_"Until A New Beginning"_

Without a tree, without shining paper, without cheerful cards, without carolers, Christmas came. And, without all that, and a thousand other things, it passed.

Selphie returned the next day, arms filled with things once under a tree, once wrapped in shining paper, once adorned with cheerful cards, and after hours of chattering about all those thousands of things my Christmas had been without, everything fell back into Winter. Christmas was a memory, and would be for just under a year.

And I preferred it that way. Without Christmas, I felt a little bit more normal.

Christmas passed, but the Holiday Season did not. There was still one day left before that occurred – a day of new beginnings. There was still New Year's Eve, and when midnight came, the ball would drop on the start of my first full year with Riku.

So, when New Year's Eve came and Selphie, Tidus and I made our way to Kairi's house, I was finally happy again.

She answered the door with a wide grin and a paper crown with the number 2006 across it in shining silver. Giggling madly, she blew a noisemaker in our faces and ushered us into the house, past the kitchen, and down a stairway, into a basement.

The usual slew of teenagers was there - Wakka, the blonde boy whose name I'd learned was Roxas; along with a few others I'd yet to learn the names of. But among the bodies slumped in chairs and curled on the floor, among the voices that filled the room, there was no sign of Riku.

Lips pursing into a familiar pout, I surveyed the room once more, hoping I had missed a glimmer of silver hair, a sardonic curl of lip, a flash of brilliant aqua, or a cascade of liquid laughter. My gaze landed finally on Kairi, who smirked and leaned in to whisper:

"Don't worry, he'll be here soon," before striding across the room to sit on an empty patch of sofa, leaving me to feel very alone. I had no connections with anyone in the room, aside from Kairi, who had just left me, and Selphie, who was absorbed in her flirtations with Tidus.

And so, much like I had at the first party I attended here in Belleview, I tucked myself away into my own little world, leaning against the wall next to the staircase and focused on the television. According to the numbers in the corner of the screen, we were three hours and thirty-eight minutes away from 2006.

Three hours and thirty-eight minutes away from a new beginning.

Three hours and thirty-seven minutes away from. . .

"You always look like you have no idea what to do with yourself," was half-whispered slightly behind me, with the tiniest hint of a smirk.

From across the room I could see Kairi glaring as she called out, "Knocking! It's called knocking, Riku!"

"I don't do knocking, Kairi. You know that," Riku replied, crossing in front of me and leaning gracefully against the wall beside me.

"Three hours and thirty-five minutes away from a new beginning," he commented, nodding towards the TV.

"Yeah," I replied lamely, trying desperately not to read too much into the small smile he flashed as the words 'new beginning' flew from between his petal-soft lips.

I liked how I knew how soft his lips were, even if it were only a pure coincidence, "it just slipped out" kind of knowing.

"Did you make any resolutions?" he asked, no longer directing his attention at the countdown.

I still found it hard not to blush when he looked at me.

"No," I answered, "I never do."

"I do. Every year I make a resolution."

"Do you ever stick to them?"

"Always," Riku drawled. Again, I tried not to read too much into the slant of his smirk, and the sharpness of his gaze.

In an effort to keep from staring back at him, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, I instead glanced about the room.

Kairi _was_ staring. And smirking. And when my eyes met hers, one slipped closed in a coy little wink. I narrowed my eyes at her, pleading with her. Wasn't she the one who'd warned me about Selphie's meddling? Wasn't she supposed to be silently supporting me, and not interfering?

"Hey, Riku! I have something baking in the oven, be a darling and check on it for me? Bring Sora with you, you'll need help bring the cupcakes down."

Apparently not.

Riku nodded and headed towards the stairs. As I went to follow him, I shot a glare in the redheaded, conniving girl's direction, and she chuckled silently.

"Oh! And you'll need to frost them too!" She added with a devious little wave.

Sighing, I continued up the stairs and into the kitchen, where Riku was again leaning, this time against a counter.

I liked it when he leaned, with his legs stretched out lazily and his hair sweeping across his shoulders.

"There's still a few minutes on the timer," he explained, shifting position ever so slightly, crossing his legs at the ankle and folding his arms across his chest.

"Kairi says to frost the cupcakes too," I mumbled, moving to stand in front of him. Riku merely shrugged in indifference.

"Why do you always do stuff for her, without putting up a fight?" I asked, "It seems like she does this a lot."

"Yeah, she does, and I don't fight because she'll complain too much if I do," he answered, looking down and examining his fingernails.

I watched his fingers bend and twist for a long moment, shivering as I remembered the way they felt intertwined with my own that one snowy day. Finally wrenching my gaze away, I cleared my throat silently and spoke.

"What's your resolution this year?"

Riku's gaze snapped up, locking on to me swiftly, and he smiled that sarcastic little smile of his. It was that smile that fit on his beautifully sculpted face perfectly, that smile that made his eyes shine like two perfect jewels.

"I can't tell you. If I tell you, I won't be able to keep it, and I'm not about to ruin my streak," he practically crooned. I'd never heard him use that tone of voice before, and my heart gave a little flutter of content at the sound of it.

I narrowed my eyes and placed my hands on my hips, pouting yet again.

"That's wishes, Riku, not New Year's resolutions."

The silver-haired teen in front of me snorted some strange, strangled sort of laugh.

"You look like a girl when you do that," he stated, that perfect sarcastic smile still stretching his lips.

My cheeks heated and I pulled my hands away from the hips immediately, clasping them behindmy back and frowning.

As those words left Riku's lips, I could've sworn my heart broke a little.

Riku didn't like girls.

A soft beeping sound pierced the silence and Riku turned to fish through a drawer, emerging with some potholders. He opened the oven door and removed two cupcake tins, placing them on the counter before opening a cabinet and peering at its contents.

"Chocolate, strawberry, or funfetti?" he asked, throwing a smirk over his shoulder.

His eyes were shimmering, and had darkened a few shades, now more of an emerald than its usual, bright turquoise.

"Uh. . .funfetti," I murmured, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Riku was acting really strangely.

And it was hard to stop my imagination from turning it all into something more than it actually was.

"Good choice," he commented, whirling around with the container of frosting in hand, a small cluster of his hair catching on the corner of his lip. That little quirk of lip and that filigree strand were all I could concentrate on as I spoke again.

"It's my favorite," I knew I sounded just as distracted as I was.

And I wasn't the only one staring. Riku was staring; I could feel it. Riku was staring and trying to catch my eye. But that strand of hair. . .

"They don't call it funfetti for nothing," he murmured huskily.

I nodded, watching as his lips stretched into a smile again, that single strand shifting slightly, but refusing to fall. It was really, really bothering me, and I just couldn't stand it anymore.

"We should wait for the cupcakes to cool before we - "

As my fingertips came in contact with that offensive little shimmering tendril, Riku froze. His mouth was agape, the rest of his sentence silently gathered at the tip of his tongue, and his eyes widened suddenly, as his slender fingers curled around my wrist, halting my movement.

And we stayed still, and we remained silent, for a long while, as that perfect strand of hair perched on a perfect curve of lip, tickling the tips of my fingers, taunting me.

"Sora?" Riku finally whispered, completely unsure of what to do with himself.

I flinched, unable to fully suppress the shudder that coursed through my frame as his lips moved, sliding and pushing against my fingertips.

"I . .I'm sorry," I whispered, turning my head to avoid Riku's bewildered gaze, "there was. . .a hair. . .stuck."

I flicked my fingers swiftly, finally causing the cluster of hair to fall away.

"You could've told me," Riku whispered back as I, again unsuccessfully, tried to stop myself from shivering.

I nodded curtly, both disappointed and relieved as his fingers released my wrist, and my fingers flew quickly away, shoving themselves into my pocket, where they were safe from lips I knew, in an "it just slipped out" kind of way, were petal soft. My eyes hid as well, thankful for the messy shock of bangs that fell in front of them, protecting them from emerald.

Emerald. I didn't like emerald. I liked turquoise. It was much less intimidating. Much less intimidating, much more Riku.

"The, uh. . .the - "

"Cupcakes," Riku finished, cutting short my pathetic stammering.

"Yeah," I muttered, taking the butter knife he offered me carefully, making sure my fingers did not brush against his.

We frosted in silence, and I focused deliberately on those specks of color, even on the occasion that, from the corner of my eye, I could see Riku's movements halt and feel his gaze flicker towards me briefly.

Once finished, we hurried down the stairs, taking a seat awkward, silent seats on the couch as the crowd of teenagers lunged forward to gorge themselves on cupcakes.

The countdown in the corner of the television silently announced that we had three hours and seventeen minutes until a new beginning.

As the silver-haired boy beside me, and the rest of the teens in the room continued chattering, reminiscing about memories that didn't include me, laughing at inside jokes I didn't get, and complaining about people I didn't know, I watched as the numbers slowly descended.

When the countdown read 2:23:46, Kairi offered me something to drink.

When it read 1:12:11, Selphie mouthed the words "are you okay" in my direction, and I nodded slowly.

When it read 0:00:30, Riku's gaze slid sideways, and his perfect-smile formed on his pure-coincidence lips.

I blushed and habitually gazed around the room. The others had gathered anxiously around the television.

Twenty-eight seconds until a new beginning.

"Sora," Riku whispered, his tone identical to the one he'd used earlier. It was the tone he'd been using when familiar turquoise melted into that unnerving emerald.

I swallowed, hard.

Twenty-four seconds until a new beginning.

Those emerald eyes drifted upwards. Mine followed slowly.

Twenty seconds.

There, on the ceiling, hanging above this couch, this very couch on which I sat with Riku, was. . .mistletoe.

Nineteen.

It wasn't Christmas any longer. Why was there _still_ mistletoe hanging above this couch?

Seventeen.

My eyes flickered back downwards, again scanning the room.

Kairi and Selphie glanced over their shoulders briefly, obviously surveying their joint effort to ruin my life.

Thirteen.

"We're. . .under. . .the mistletoe?" I whispered slowly, not sure why I was asking this rather than stating it.

Eleven.

Riku smirked.

"Ten!"

I decided I liked emerald after all.

"Nine!"

And I smiled back.

"Eight!"

Riku chuckled.

"Seven!"

Turquoise returned; a clear turquoise, pure, yet somehow even more dark and effective than emerald.

"Six!"

Nothing compared to turquoise.

"Five!"

Riku placed a hand on the couch, next to my thigh.

"Four!"

I could feel the heat of his hand.

"Three!"

He leaned closer, hovered millimeters away from my lips, and looked up once more.

"Two!"

"Not quite," he whispered, warm breath cascading over my lips, sending small shivers down my spine.

In the background, something clicked faintly, and the others, oblivious to our almost kiss, exploded in outrage.

"Tidus! What the hell! You douche-bag!" Kairi practically screeched.

As Riku drew away swiftly, I turned to see what Tidus had done to deserve such a reaction.

Tidus. . .had turned off the TV.

And so, technically, the ball never dropped.

There was no new beginning after all.


	8. A Little More Like Home

**Author's Note**: Just got back from Otakon! If you were there and you bought a pair of paopu fruit earrings, guess what! You bought them from me! Don't you feel special? I know I did because this awesomely cool Riku cosplayer I met recognized this fanfic. It made my life. No joke. Anyway, expect a lot of updates soon, because I just got the most boring job ever. I'm filling in for a receptionist this week, so all I do is answer phones. For nine hours, and they only ring twice a day. So what do I do when phones aren't ringing? I write! Hooray!

Oh yeah. . .I need to mention one thing. Last chapter I confused a lot of people with the whole "full year with Riku" thing. Sora has only been in Belleview for like, a month. That was meant to mean that this New Year's Eve would mark the beginning of his first full year of Riku, not the end of it. Sorry about that.

* * *

Chapter Eight: _"A Little More Like Home"_

January was a month much like December, with cold weather and not much else. There were no holidays, though, and I liked that.

February, however, did have a holiday. Three of them technically, if you counted birthdays – my own, and Riku's - and each of them managed to depress me.

March rolled in much more quietly than a lion, and left with Tidus and Selphie finally acting upon their feelings for each other. So, in a way, you could say that March kept to the cliché. Selphie did have a rather embarrassing pet name for Tidus involving the word 'lamb' after all.

April was, surprisingly, uneventful. Apparently April Fool's Day wasn't much of a favorite up here in Connecticut.

May found me in a state of paranoia, concerning whether or not Riku was getting sick of spending the part of his weekends at work with me. So, I decided to start spending the better part of my weekends working at a local shop called the Harbor Street Market instead. The worker who shared my shift was a few years older than me, a freshman, soon-to-be sophomore in college, he said. I looked up to him He was confident, unafraid. He never felt shame, and after a week or two of working with him, I'd made it my goal to be more like him.

June said good-bye to school, and summer was welcomed with gobs of enthusiasm.

And it was in the middle of that month that my new beginning finally started to form.

About a week after school was let out, Selphie decided it would be a good idea to have a party at a small beach in town. I was probably more excited than I should have been. Beaches were sandy, with clear water and air that almost stung when you breathed it in. Beaches were just like home.

Oftentimes when Tidus drove Selphie and me places, I felt completely out of place, sitting secluded in the back seat as they chatted about things not involving me, and Selphie made big, viridian goo-goo-eyes at Tidus. Today was different though. Today I was perfectly content with my own little world.

My eyes memorized the way to the small beach, and as we pulled into the parking lot nearby, I jumped out of the car and ran, kicking off my shoes as I went. There was a grassy area just before the beach began, and as I stepped onto the sand, I slowed to a stop.

This wasn't at all like home. Here in Belleview, the sand was not pure and white and soft. It was dark, full of pebbles and dried seaweed, and rough against the bottoms of my feet. I moved slowly towards the water. It was not a sparkling blue, but rather a murky brownish-green, and even where it was only ankle deep I could barely make out the bottom.

Frowning, I backed out of the freezing water, sorely disappointed. This was nothing like home.

"Something wrong?" I heard Kairi's voice call from behind me, and I turned to greet her with a not-so-heartfelt wave.

"No, not really," I replied.

"You sure? You look disappointed."

I shrugged. "Maybe a little."

"Expecting something more like Honolulu?"

"Yeah, I was," I admitted with another shrug.

"This is the best we get here. You'd have to go over to Rhode Island to get anything even remotely like Hawaii, and even then I'd imagine it's not so hot by comparison."

"That's a shame," I whispered, more to myself than to Kairi.

"Come on, the rest are up over there," she said, pointing in the direction of a rather vibrant beach umbrella which was providing shade for several familiar faces.

I followed her towards the group, cursing the rough sand every step of the way until I finally took a seat on a large blanket someone had laid out.

"What'd you bring him up here for?" Roxas asked as Kairi sat beside me. "We were all about to head out into the water."

"Sorry, _Roxie_," Kairi cooed, rolling her eyes and delighting in the small cringe that the blonde exhibited with the use of that nickname.

"We're going to swim over to Kelsey's Island and go jumping," Tidus explained, tossing my abandoned shoes towards me and snorting.

"Jumping?" Kairi asked.

"Don't tell me you've never been jumping off the rocks at Kelsey's!"

"Can't say I have," she said, shrugging and flipping a lock of her auburn hair over her shoulder.

"Well, that's what we're doing, Kai," a mass of teenager mumbled sleepily from under the umbrella. With long, perfectly layered, silver hair, it could only be one person. I wondered why I hadn't noticed him there before.

"Where's Kelsey's Island?" I asked, and everyone kind of froze and stared blankly for a moment.

"Right," Roxas murmured finally. "See that island out there, with the little red shack on it? That's Kelsey's Island."

"It's a bit of a swim. Probably somewhere around an eighth of a mile," Riku explained.

"That's okay," I assured him, surprised that he'd thought to confirm my swimming skills. Most people just assumed that since I was from Hawaii, I was an excellent swimmer. They were right, but that wasn't the point.

"I bet I'm there first," Tidus said boastfully, taking off across the beach.

Immediately, ever boy in the group's competitiveness kicked in and we all jumped up and rushed past him, stumbling through the water and diving into the shallows haphazardly.

I smiled, sure that I could win this little impromptu race with ease, as Riku, Roxas and I pulled ahead of the crowd. This was where I felt most comfortable, where I could actually do something right, here in the water, where I'd practically grown up.

Which is why I was surprised when I arrived at the island, to see Riku standing on the rocky shore, offering a helping hand as I clambered over the rocks, slippery with algae.

Roxas arrived shortly after me, and immediately the air grew heavy and awkward. Riku either didn't notice, or pretended not to notice, but Roxas was pouting and staring at the ground thoughtfully as we silently waited for the rest of the group to finish the swim.

"This way," Tidus said as he finally reached shore and moved past us nonchalantly, as if his little bet had never existed.

Riku snorted as we fell into step behind him, and I couldn't help but notice that Roxas made a point of lagging behind. He was acting strangely, and for the life of me, I couldn't think of a single reason why.

We walked for a bit, and I stumbled, not used to the rough sand, which was a lot less stable than the sand back home.

"This sand sucks, doesn't it?" Riku asked, reaching over to help me steady myself.

"It's so rough," I mumbled back.

"I wonder why that is."

"Huh?"

"I wonder why the sand is so smooth down in Hawaii, but rough and crappy up here."

"I never thought of that before," I murmured as we stepped onto another scrambling mass of large rocks. The group fell silent as we worked our way over the jetty for several minutes before coming to a sort of plateau. As soon as they set foot on level ground, Wakka, Tidus, and Roxas sprinted, before launching over the edge and falling away, back into the water.

I slowed to a stop, watching as, one by one, the rest of my companions jumped, laughing and giggling as they fell and swimming to the side to splash and rough-house with the others. Glancing over the edge made me feel dizzy, so I backed up until I could no longer see the water.

"Watch out," Riku said laughingly as I whirled around, almost crashing right into him.

"Sorry," I mumbled, taking a step backwards.

With droplets of water caught in his hair and slipping over the smooth muscles of his arms and chest, Riku looked absolutely gorgeous. And, to top it all off, he had that perfect-smile on. I hadn't seen him with that smile since New Year's, when he almost . . .

"Your turn," he said, nodding towards the ledge I'd just been avoiding.

"You first," I replied, shaking my head.

His delicate brows drew together as he surveyed me, and I squirmed under his gaze, though I was able to keep from blushing. I'd learned to stop that a few months ago.

"You're scared?" he asked after a few moments.

"No!" I cried, eyes wide, "No, I . . ."

"You've never done this before?"

"No," I admitted.

"Really? You grew up in Hawaii and never jumped off rocks into the ocean?"

"Nope."

"It's not that scary, you know. It's actually lots of fun."

"I know, but. . ." I trailed off, not sure where I'd been going with that. I was terrified of heights, and the though of jumping off them made that fear even worse.

Riku's perfect-smile melted away, morphing into something more sincere, something that, somehow, seemed even more perfect.

"If you want, I can jump first and wait for you at the bottom," he offered softly.

This somehow made me more nervous, probably because I couldn't rid my head of the image of me jumping off the rock, landing on Riku's head, and snapping both of our necks rather than just my own. My reaction must have been visible, because Riku then made another suggestion.

"Then we'll hold hands," he stated matter-of-factly, putting out his hand and waiting for me to take it.

"What?" I whispered, taken aback by this offer. Wouldn't that be more dangerous? What if we didn't jump at the same time? One of us would be pulled forward and crack our skulls on the rocks.

"We'll hold hands," he said again, shrugging as if the suggestion held absolutely no meaning, for either of us.

And although the proposal seemed more dangerous than just going with the old grin-and-bear-it, the thought of falling, hand-in-hand with Riku, was more comforting than notions of cracked skulls were frightening.

"Right," I said, smiling widely and taking Riku's hand.

That familiar shock of warmth and pleasure shot through my frame as our fingers intertwined, and we ran. Both of us were grinning madly, and soon there was nothing in the whole world but air and hands and smiles.

And, for a moment, I swear we were flying.

* * *

The sun was setting as we arrived back at our colorful umbrella on the beach, and towels and coolers were tucked under arms and carried to a small fire pit, where Tidus and Wakka set to starting a, well, fire.

I was down by the water, wading in the cold, murky stuff as the others toasted marshmallows. I wanted to join them – I was an extra marshmallow type of guy after all – but I was more focused on things I did not like; things like rough sand and seaweed and brownish-greenish water . . .

And the exact second when two people who were holding hands let go, and that electricity and heat still lingers in the spaces where fingers once curled.

I could hear someone coming towards me, but it was because the sand made scratchy, tumbling noises as they walked, not because it squeaked a little as the fine grains rubbed against bare feet, like it did back in Hawaii.

"I brought you a marshmallow," they called as they stopped beside me. I didn't need to look over to know it was Riku. I recognized that tone of voice; sincere, but still mischievous. He'd been using that tone all day, and I still couldn't decide whether or not I liked it.

"No thanks," I answered absent-mindedly. I was still focused on how dirty the water looked, how dirty it _felt_ as it slid over my feet.

"I though you liked marshmallows."

"I do. . .it's just. . ."

"What's wrong?" Riku asked, chucking his perfectly toasted marshmallow into the perfectly disgusting water.

"These beaches are nothing like back home," I whispered.

Riku was silent for a long moment before he softly murmured, "Oh."

"Hawaii is beautiful in the summer. I guess I was kind of hoping Connecticut would be more like it after the weather changed."

Riku, again, was silent, and for once I didn't mind that it was an awkward, empty silence. In fact, I barely noticed it. I was too busy wondering why sand was so different in two given locations.

"I can't imagine what it was like, growing up somewhere that beautiful, just to have it all ripped away," he whispered finally.

The way he spoke, his soft tone and his distant expression snapped the one string that was holding my heart together and tears began pricking at the back of my eyes, begging for freedom.

"I'll have enough to go back soon," I murmured, not sure if my tears were released by the happiness I felt at being able to go home soon, or the sadness of having to leave Riku behind after going through so much just to find him.

"You don't have –" Riku began as he turned towards me, stopping as he noticed that I was crying.

"Sora . . ." he whispered, taking a few steps towards me.

I couldn't stop myself as I stepped to the side, turning to rest my head on Riku's chest and sobbing. And, to tell the truth, I didn't want to. I knew Riku wouldn't like it, but I'd promised to be more like my co-worker, hadn't I? I'd promised to be more confident, bolder . . .

Those thoughts were pushed immediately out of my head, because home had taken over.

But home . . .home was thousands of miles away. Home was just a memory that hadn't been real for about two years now. Home . . .

When I got back to Hawaii, it might not be home anymore, not without her. Not without sparkling sapphire eyes and short blonde hair and sprinkles of glittering laughter.

"It might not be home anymore, Riku," I mumbled into his chest as he hesitantly wrapped an arm around me and stroked my hair with his free hand, shushing me softly.

"What am I going to do if it's not home anymore?"

"Stay here, Sora," he whispered. "Stay. At least until fall. That's when Connecticut really beautiful. Stay until fall. You'll love it, I promise."

"I can't," I sniffled, breathing out slowly, "I can't stay. I have to go home."

"It might not be home anymore, Sora. You said so yourself. What will you do then?"

"I don't know."

"So stay here. Make Belleview home."

"But you . . ."

"I want you to stay, Sora."

I stopped crying. Riku's hand was twisted in my hair, his chin resting on my head. I was trembling, and I could feel Riku's arm tighten around me to try and stop it.

"Please, stay," Riku whispered, his breath rustling through my hair.

Taking a step back, I glanced up at Riku. His eyes were burning like cold fire, and he hadn't moved his arm away from my waist.

I rose onto tiptoes and pressed my lips against his. Slowly, his lips parted and, startled, I pulled back, stopped by his arm so that only a fraction of an inch hung between us.

My eyes widened, and so did Riku's. Neither of us had seen that coming. Neither of us expected it, and I'm sure only one of us welcomed it.

"Shit," I whispered, wrenching out of his grasp as he stood there, slightly more dumbfounded than I was.

"I'm so sorry, Riku . . .it's just . . .I . . .sorry. I didn't . . .shit," I was blabbering, and I couldn't stop myself, so I turned and ran towards the campfire, stumbling on that cursed sand.

"Wanna marshmallow?" Tidus asked around a mouthful of the gooey stuff as I sat beside him.

"No," I snapped, not realizing that I was indeed snapping until Tidus rolled his eyes and muttered a soft "Jesus."

Shit.

I'd kissed him.

I had kissed Riku.

I hadn't meant to. I'd wanted to, but I wasn't actually planning on doing it. Not ever. Riku wanted me to leave, so kissing him was . . .

No. Riku didn't want me to leave. He'd just said so. He'd asked me to stay, practically begged me to, right before I kissed him.

Right before I completely ruined everything, and kissed him.

He probably didn't want me to stay anymore.

I glanced around quickly, wondering if anyone suspected anything, and if Riku had returned yet.

He was on his way, and I grabbed a nearby stick, starting to scribble in the sand with it, just to keep my eyes away from him. He sat next to Selphie, who was on the other side of Tidus, and I couldn't tell if I hated how close he was, or liked that he was at an angle that made it awkward and almost impossible to look at him.

"What are we gonna do this summer?" Kairi whined from where she was stretched out on a pink and purple towel. "It's one of our last, we've gotta make it good. So, one of you lazy bums needs to come up with an idea."

"I don't see you doing anything about it, Kairi," Tidus snorted, stuffing another marshmallow in his face. I honestly didn't see how Selphie could like him so much.

"We can go to my mom's cabin in Vermont for a week or two," Riku suggested. I ventured a glance at him, thankful to find that he was avoiding looking at me as much as I was avoiding looking at him.

"Really?" Kairi squeaked, sitting up and smiling brightly. "Awesome!"

"Yeah," Riku continued, "She and my step-dad said we could use it for a week. We just need to make sure we have enough food, and drivers."

"Oh!" Selphie chirped, her eyes lighting up. "I can plan!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I could barely make out Riku's nod of approval as Selphie smiled and turned towards me and winked.

At that very moment I decided that I was _not_ going to Vermont under _any_ circumstances.


	9. Beg to Differ

**Author's Note**: Told you to expect lots of updates from me! The tenth chapter is already written too, so that should be coming very soon. Also, I'll soon be uploading a new fanfic called "Masquerade", so please check that out once it rolls along. Speaking of…I have a huge favor to ask all of you. If you could, please read the fic I just uploaded a few days ago. It's called "The Starfall Exequies" and isn't doing very well. It's a "Kingdom Hearts 3" type of thing, and I know that's been terribly overdone, but I worked _really, **really**_ hard on planning it, so it would mean a LOT to me if you could check it out and review it or something.

Now that I've finished groveling and pimping…it's time to get on to the next chapter! It's pretty short, and mostly filler, with a dash of foreshadowing…

Chapter Nine: _"Beg to Differ"_

"I can't believe you let her talk you into going up to Vermont!" my co-worker cried, shoving another bottle of soda into place in the small, clear-door, refrigerator we kept drinks in.

"I know," I mumbled back.

"You were so adamant about not going, Sora! You need to learn to stick to your guns."

"I _know_ Cloud…at least she promised not to do anything that will make me embarrass myself in front of Riku again?" I attempted to make a legitimate excuse for myself as I kicked an empty cardboard box to the side and shut the fridge door, barely waiting for Cloud to move out of the way.

"Like she'll actually keep to it?" he asked with a sigh. Standing, he headed back behind our counter and I followed him. "She's no good for you, Sora, not as a roommate anyway. Roommates get way too involved with your personal life, and she seems to have a knack for that anyway."

"_Seems_ to?" I said, chuckling. Cloud laughed with me as we took seats on two high stools and he pulled a pack of cards out of the pocket of his canvas apron.

"Did I tell you I'm renting an apartment this year?" he muttered, sliding card after card across the counter to where they piled up in front of me. Business at the Harbor Street Market slowed down around this time of day, when most of the locals were off at the beach, so it wasn't uncommon for Cloud and me to start up a card game called Egyptian Ratscrew. The only rule was that you had to figure the rules out for yourself, something I hadn't _quite_ accomplished yet.

"No, you didn't," I answered, gathering my cards and pushing them into a neat stack.

Cloud flipped a card over, placing it between us and grinning. It was a king. I flipped two cards on top of it, the eight of spades and the three of clubs, and sighed.

"One more," Cloud whispered as my third card, a ten, was revealed, only to have the small pile scooped up by the blonde. "Kings give you three chances, Sora. You know that."

I rolled my eyes at him as the game continued, the two of us taking turns putting down cards. Cloud's four, my seven. A six, a three, a nine…

"Ah!" I squeaked, slapping my hand down as I noticed that my card was another three. My hand collided with Cloud's, and, looking down, I saw that our fingers were tangled, making it impossible to determine who had slapped first.

"They're mine!" I whined, trying to pull the pile towards me. Cloud pulled back and the cards remained where they were.

"I beg to differ," he argued, glaring at me mockingly.

Pouting stubbornly I whined back, "I'm not letting go of them."

"Good. Neither am I," he grinned widely and winked, curling his fingers around my hand and rubbing his thumb against my palm, trying to coax me into letting go.

"It's not working, Cloud."

"So about that apartment of mine…"

"What about it?"

"You should come live with me."

"Yeah, right," I said, snorting in amusement.

"I'm serious, Sora. I need help paying the rent, and it sounds like you need to get away from Selphie."

"She's not _that_ bad."

"Aww…"Cloud cooed, pouting and blinking slowly up at me, wiggling his fingers so that they tickled my palm. "You love me, don't you Sora?"

Rolling my eyes, I suppressed the urge to giggle and squirm away from his tickling. "Yes, Cloud, I positively _adore_ you," I drawled sarcastically.

"Damn right, kid. One day you'll realize that and run away from your precious Riku and come crawling to me, all 'Oh! Cloud! Why didn't I listen to you? Sex me up, baby!' and I'll be too busy living with some chick with big hooters to oblige."

"Cloud," I pressed through clenched teeth, nodding behind him, to the customer my eyes had been widely and embarrassedly fixed on throughout the entirety of my coworker's little speech.

Turning, but not releasing my hand, or my cards, Cloud smiled at the man and crooned, "Hello, sir! Can I help you with something?"

The man merely shook his head and hurried out of the store.

"God damn it, Sora. You are one stubborn son of a bitch," the blonde growled, leaning down and dragging his tongue across the back of my hand.

"Gross!" I cried, retracting my hand and relinquishing the cards. "I think I'm gonna be sick!"

"Just don't throw up on me. Turn to the side or something."

Scrunching my nose and pouting in disappointment, I watched Cloud add _my_ cards to _his_ deck before continuing the game. We played in silence for a while, until a car pulled up outside and honked its horn.

"That's Tidus and Selphie," I announced, dropping my deck and untying my apron.

"It's going to be a lonely week without you, kid," Cloud said with a smile as he tucked his cards back into his pocket.

"Try not to kill yourself," I replied, starting towards the door. As I slipped outside I heard him say something about not being able to promise me anything, and I laughed as I climbed into the car.

"Flirting with your coworkers?" Selphie asked, primping herself in the rear-view mirror.

I scoffed. "With Cloud? No way." I didn't flirt with Cloud; he was just a friend. Granted, he was attractive, but…

Riku was perfect.

"We're going to the mall, by the way."

"Can you _please_ drop me off at the apartment?" I pleaded. I hated going to the mall with these two. Selphie did nothing but chatter on about the latest fashions, and Tidus did nothing but complain about it, and I did absolutely nothing.

"Uh-uh. Sorry, Sora, but we're shopping for you today," the girl chirped, and Tidus stifled a laugh, making it sound like he was choking on something wet and goopy.

"For me?" I asked, whining again.

"Yup. I just got my…whatever they call that thinger you get from your parents when you're emancipated. Anywho – the point is, I got a bunch of money and I have nothing to do with it, and _you_ need new clothes, so you're coming with us."

Groaning, I slid down in my seat and rested my head against the window, seriously considering taking Cloud up on his offer.

Over the next two and a half hours I somehow managed to prevent Selphie from turning my wardrobe into a float for the gay pride parade, and also convinced her to treat Tidus and me to dinner at a local Chinese place.

"So what happened at the beach the other day?" Selphie asked around a mouth of lo mein.

I almost choked on my soda and coughed for a bit before I could speak again.

"What do you mean 'what happened at the beach'?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Oh come _on_, Sora!" Tidus groaned. "You and Riku were off, alone, for a good ten or twenty minutes and when you came back you wouldn't even look at each other. Did you really think that no one noticed?"

"Tidus," Selphie almost growled, "go sit over there for a while. It's time for girl talk."

"I don't see the point. You're just going to tell me all about it later."

"Tidus! Go!"

"Fine," Tidus sighed, getting up and carrying his dinner to a seat several tables over.

"So, what happened?" Selphie pressed, eyes glinting hungrily.

"I…uh…I kissed him," I muttered.

"You _kissed_ him!" she cried happily, causing several of the restaurant's other patrons to glance curiously in our direction. "Sorry," she whispered, grinning sheepishly.

"Yeah…"

"What'd he do?"

"I don't know. Nothing, really. I think he was too surprised to react."

"Nothing? Come on, there's no way he did _nothing_. You kissed him for heaven's sake!"

"Well, that's what he did, Selph. I kissed him, realized I was being stupid, apologized and ran off while he did nothing."

"You just ran away? Did you at least wait for a reaction?"

"No! I didn't! I didn't want him to be upset with me again," I whined, annoyed by how often I'd been doing that today.

"Sora, you idiot!" Selphie was on the verge of shouting again, and Tidus was watching us intently. "You need to stop jumping to conclusions like that!"

"What is that supposed to mean, Selphie?" I asked as the waiter placed our check on the table.

"Noting, Sora. Just forget it. Tidus, we're through here."

As Selphie reached into her purse and left money on the table, Tidus jumped up and the three of us walked towards the car.

"You can't seriously be upset with me about this, can you?" I asked the girl as I fell into step next to her.

"God, Sora! You're even worse than _he_ is!" She cried, jabbing her thumb in her boyfriend's direction.

"I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Exactly, Sora."

"Will you cut it out, Selphie? God! I mean, you're so pissed about - "

"I'm not pissed. I'm frustrated."

"Whatever. You're frustrated. Well, you have no right to be. _I'm_ not even upset and in a matter of seconds I managed to make someone I am convinced is my soul mate hate me. Again!"

"Riku doesn't hate you, Sora," Selphie said with a sigh. "Listen, I'm sleeping over Kairi's tonight, Tidus is driving the two of us up to Vermont tomorrow. Riku is coming to pick you up at eight."

"Selphie!" I cried, absolutely outraged. "You promised!"

"I _know_ I did, Sora," she whined, pouting, "Just please trust me on this one? Please?" she fluttered her lashes at me, making her best little puppy face as we climbed into the car.

"Fine. I trust you," I muttered, arms crossing and lower lip jutting out far enough for a bird to perch on.

I didn't trust her, not really, but I just really wanted to keep her quiet.

Tomorrow I'd be spending a good three hours alone with Riku, and there was nothing I could do to change that.


	10. Two Places at Once

**Author's Note**: I meant to have this chapter uploaded a lot sooner than this, but I just got a new job at a local coffeehouse, so I've been spending most of my time making coffee, cleaning up coffee, smelling like coffee, and spilling coffee onto myself and then crying because it burns my flesh. Anyway, I hope this chapter is worth the wait.

Oh, and please keep an eye out for new fics and such…I have soooo many ideas bumping around in my skull.

End shameless self-promoting.

Chapter Ten: _Two Places At Once_

The next morning, I woke to a sharp knock at my door, and the sound of a familiar voice calling my name. I grunted softly and groped for some semblance of an idea as to what was going on. The alarm clock to my right read "8:13", and I was ready to kill whoever it was that had woken me at such an ungodly hour.

But that knocking hadn't stopped yet, so I tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the living room, pulling open the front door without bothering to look through the peep-hole and see who was there.

"About time," Riku sighed, pushing me out of the way and moving to sit on the couch. "I've been waiting out there for fifteen minutes."

A sleep-muffled "why" was all I could manage in response as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and yawned widely.

For a moment, he stared at me, before laughing a little.

"What?" he asked.

"Why are you here?"

One perfect, slender silver brow arched slowly and petal soft lips remained still as Riku elected not to answer.

And then my mind pulled through with one word that instantly chased away every last ounce of grogginess I possessed.

Vermont.

"Shit," I mumbled, straightening my posture and blushing, suddenly very aware of the fact that I was standing in front of Riku with nothing on but a pair of boxers that were slightly too small for me.

Riku laughed again, more loudly and brightly now, and waved a hand at me dismissively. "It's okay, take your time. I'm in no hurry."

Nodding, I moved to the bathroom, listening as Riku picked up the phone and dialed. Over the rush of water and gurgling of teeth-brushing I caught bits and pieces of his conversation.

"Hey…no. It's Riku…yeah…running late…ten? That's…too late? Okay…see you."

"What was that about?" I asked, walking into the living room.

"Oh, I was just letting Selphie know we're running late. She's going to check in on us at ten," he explained. I nodded, staring blankly at him.

"Shouldn't you get dressed?" he asked after a moment.

Again, I nodded, and walked slowly towards my room, where I slowly did exactly what Riku had suggested. Apparently, I was still pretty groggy.

"You're really not a morning person, are you?" he asked as I emerged from my room, fully dressed, with a duffle bag in tow, packed for the upcoming week.

"I guess not," I mumbled, stifling another yawn, which, for some reason, seemed to amuse Riku, who chuckled and ruffled my hair.

"Come on, let's go."

We walked out the door, pausing to lock it, and headed down the steps and out into the bright morning light. I blinked furiously as my eyes adjusted and a sharp pain flared in my temples. After warding off the headache and regaining my vision, I followed Riku to his car. He grabbed my duffle bag and tossed it in the trunk as I slipped into the passenger seat and buckled up. Sighing nervously, I waited for Riku to climb in and start off.

There was nothing ahead of me but three hours of Riku; three hours of groping for conversation topics and hoping we didn't fall into any awkward silences that were impossible to maneuver our way out of.

So, as he sat in the driver's seat and buckled his seat belt, I did the only thing that seemed logical to do at that time.

I fell asleep, almost instantly.

Just under three hours later, I woke, clutching at my stomach as it grumbled loudly and whimpered, "Hungry."

Riku chuckled, "You did skip breakfast."

"I'd just woken up."

"No excuses, Sora. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"And the most delicious."

"You think so?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Belgian waffles with maple syrup!" I offered as irrefutable evidence that breakfast was, indeed, the best meal to have ever existed.

"Say syrup again," Riku requested, smirking.

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Syrup?"

Shaking his head, Riku laughed to himself.

"What?"

"You don't say syrup correctly. You pronounce it 'surp'. It's 'sear-up'."

"Well you say baby funny!" I retorted with absolutely no thought and no foundation.

"You have never heard me say that word in your life, Sora."

"So I _could_ be right. Maybe you do say baby funny."

"I do not."

"Prove it," I demanded, narrowing my eyes at him and pouting resolutely. I was just grabbing at any shred of conversation and gnawing it until it disappeared.

"Baby," Riku half-growled, glaring at me quickly, before returning his eyes to the road.

"Okay," I sighed, "so you don't say baby funny."

"What in the world made you think of baby?" Riku asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Back in Honolulu, I had a friend who said baby weird. She said 'bai-bee' instead of 'bay-bee'."

"Ah…so it wasn't just you being weird?" he said, almost laughing.

"Not entirely…" I muttered, turning my head and staring out the window. Something about the way he said that hurt. It was like he wouldn't have been surprised if I'd just pulled it all out of nowhere; like he actually thought I was weird.

"When are you going to go back to Honolulu?" he asked, softly, after a moment.

"Soon, most likely," I answered, watching his reflection in the window. I saw his eyes flick towards me briefly before flitting back to the road.

"You know, I meant it when I said you should stay. At least, until the fall, I mean."

"I don't know if I could take being away from home for any longer than is necessary."

"I hate to bring this up again, but what will you do if you get back there and it isn't home anymore?"

"Then I'll stay, and make it home again, somehow."

"Do you really think you can do that? I don't want to sound pessimistic, but wouldn't it be too painful? Wouldn't it be easier to make Belleview home?"

I was silent, and could feel something akin to anger bubbling in my gut. Why did he have to bring this up now? And what right did he have to lecture me on what I should do with this situation?

"I'm sorry, Sora," he whispered. "It's just…I worry about that sometimes; about how you might not ever feel at home again and how it would all be because of me."

Riku worried about me? He worried about causing me trouble, when I was the freak who'd left everyone behind to cross the country and hope to God that the boy with that beautiful face I'd seen on a soda bottle had a personality to match and a taste for scrawny, blue eyed boys with messy brown hair?

Tearing my eyes away from the window, I glanced at him and smiled as he furrowed his brows and pulled the car to the side of the road we'd been on for several minutes now.

He turned his gaze towards me, and our eyes met. My smile melted, and I tried to look away, but Riku's eyes…they were my gravity. They pulled me until I broke and coughed up my heart and soul, holding both in my hands for him to take. They pulled until I went right along, bonelessly, clenching my jaw and staring back, knowing exactly what Riku saw in my eyes.

He could see exactly what I wanted, and at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to unbuckle my seatbelt and climb into his lap. I wanted his hands in my hair, and my hands skimming over his skin. I wanted to fill the car with hushed moans and hot breath as it fell from hungry mouths

But most of all, I wanted to stay with Riku as long as possible, even if it was only as a friend. So my seatbelt remained buckled as he swallowed hard and turned to me.

"Did you hear that?" he asked lowly.

"Hear what?" I whispered back, trying to keep that hot haze I was swimming in from creeping into my voice.

"Never mind then. I thought I heard the car make a weird noise. Guess I was wrong."

"Guess so," I replied, again turning to look out the window and try to calm my racing heart and tingling nerves.

"We're here," Riku announced moments later as we pulled onto a vast lawn near a small wooden cabin.

"Where's everyone else? I thought we were running late."

"Oh…" Riku paused and blinked a few times. "When Selphie called to check in on us, she said that she and the others took a wrong turn somewhere. They'll be up in about an hour."

"An hour! What, did they turn south?"

Riku shrugged, reaching into his pockets as we got out of the car.

"Shit," he muttered, patting his pockets, then flipping through his keys.

"What?"

"Selphie has the only key. I gave it to her to make copies for you guys, and I forgot to grab one."

"Selphie never mentioned anything about a key," I murmured, eyes narrowing suspiciously. Something about this situation felt…off. It reeked of one of Selphie's little plans.

"Shit," Riku repeated, running a hand through his hair and starting to pace.

"You sure you don't have the key?" I asked, watching him carefully as his hand slipped back into his pocket. His fingers fumbled a bit, and it struck me as odd, considering that he knew there was nothing in there.

"I'm sure," he practically snapped.

"What do we do, then?"

"There's nothing we can do, not until Selphie gets here."

"_Absolutely_ nothing?"

"Well," Riku finally stopped pacing and flashed me a weak smile, "I could give you a tour of our property?" He suggested, sounding positively defeated, as if walking around the acres of field and farm and stable with me was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Oh?"

"We have a stable, and some nice trails. And the New Hampshire border is right down the street."

"The what?"

"The border."

My eyes widened and I could feel that my mouth was slightly agape.

"You're kidding," I murmured.

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes…"

"Ohmigosh! That's amazing! We have to go!" I cried, bouncing in place a little.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say it's amazing," Riku said with a soft chuckle, which, when combined with his low, smooth tone, seemed out of place in the current conversation.

But I brushed it off, opting instead to grab his hand and drag him down the road, grinning like a child and calling over my shoulder, "There's something I've always wanted to do!"

I could barely hear Riku's laughter as I sprinted, pulling him behind me until I spotted a thick yellow line crossing the street, with a green sign next to it that read "Welcome to New Hampshire!" Once that was in sight, I dropped Riku's hand and slowed.

"What do you plan on doing, Sora?"

Whirling around, I smiled breathlessly at him before moving towards the border. My heart swelled with excitement.

I'd wanted to do this for as long as I could remember…ever since my mother had told me it was indeed possible…

I placed one foot on one side of the yellow line, and the other foot on the opposite side, then looked up at Riku with a lopsided grin and called out to him.

"I'm in two places at once!"

He laughed, walking towards me, and placed each of his feet across from mine. In the silence that followed, he reached into his empty pocket…

And pulled out a small, brass key.

"Me too," he whispered as I stared at him, puzzled.

And then his arm wrapped around my waist and the fingers of his free hand tangled in the hair at the nape of my neck, tilting my face towards his as he leaned down and covered my mouth with his own.

Gently, he pried my lips open and my eyes fluttered closed as his tongue slipped in to slide against mine, coaxing me to life. My hands skimmed over his chest, grabbing fistfuls of fabric and pulling him closer as I rose onto tiptoes, gaining easier access to the kiss.

I wasn't just in two places at once anymore. I was in a thousand different places.

I was soaring through the sky; I was hitting the water with a warm hand clasped in my own. I was curled unsuspectingly in an armchair as a bottle spun swiftly across a plush carpet. I was drinking hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. I was making snow angels.

And some microscopic corner of my heart, some piece that had chipped off because of all those things I couldn't remember right now – and didn't care too – that small shard that was floating around somewhere inside me, lost and confused, finally clicked into place.

And that tiny piece of me was far away, standing on warm, fine sand, running towards clear water and feeling very much like it might have found something like home.


	11. Always

Author's Note: Sorry this took me a while. I've been plagued with writer's block lately, but it has now passed, so updating should be timelier. On that note, I'm going to ask you to please read my other stories - Blackbird, Starfall Exequies, and Masquerade, because I am not above pimping out my stuff. Also, I'm working _extremely_ hard on them, and would really appreciate it if you'd at least check them out. They're a little heavier than this, but I think you'll quite enjoy them. Thank you!

* * *

Chapter Eleven: _"Always"_

When everything crashed back together, when I was back in only two places at once again, the warm strength of Riku's arm and that distantly familiar, petal-softness of his lips rushed through my veins. It swirled in my head, dizzying and pleasant and perfect, and my hazy mind felt giddy.

So it wasn't too surprising when I sputtered an unwanted little giggle into Riku's mouth, causing him to cough and pull out of our kiss.

"Sorry," I whispered, a warm blush creeping under my skin as I bit back another laugh.

"It's okay," he whispered back, trailing fingers down my cheek. I shivered as they tiptoed across my jaw line, and Riku laughed softly at my reaction.

Smiling up at him, I was silent, and he was silent. For a long while we remained like that, before the silence slowly became uncomfortable and I shifted position against Riku's arm.

"So…" I finally said, breaking the silence with the cautious word.

"Yeah," was Riku's chuckling reply.

"How…well…since…?"

"Since winter."

"Winter?!" I cried, brows furrowing together in confusion. If Riku had liked me, really liked me, since winter, why had it taken him so long to do something about it?

"Well, exactly? Since the snow angel. That was the exact moment."

"But…then why didn't you…"

Riku sighed, dropping his arm from my waist and clasping both of my hands.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I tried a few times, but…well, you remember New Year's right?"

"Yeah, I do," I grumbled, turning my head away from him and pouting.

"I tried then, you know. But…it just didn't feel right. Not with everyone there, and especially not with Selphie and Kairi watching us like they were."

"I thought you were just teasing that night."

"I'm sorry, Sora," Riku murmured, pressing his thumbs into the palms of my hands and laying brilliant, concerned eyes on me.

I nodded slowly, more than willing to accept his apology, but still wondering why he'd waited so long to let me know that he returned my feelings.

"Then…that day, at the beach - "

"Was _your_ fault," he said with a light laugh, releasing my hand and poking me lightly on the tip of my nose.

"What! How was that _my_ fault?"

"I was kissing you back, Sora, in case you didn't notice."

My heart sank and my cheeks flushed, and all I could do was smile sheepishly.

"Oops?" I whispered, peeking up at him bashfully.

Something about the way I smiled then must have been amusing, because Riku tossed his head back and laughed brightly, strands of silver catching on his shoulders and sliding over them to land gracefully on mine.

"Oops indeed," he murmured, his voice soft and warm as he looked down at me, his normally sharp eyes muted and dark and a small, sincere smile playing on his lips.

Before he smiled like that, I'd thought nothing in the world could be as beautiful, as perfect, as that tilted smirk he loved to wear. But this smile, this tiny, content quirk of lip, tore that thought to pieces.

_This_ was his perfect-smile.

When I'd imagined myself in that picture, on that soda bottle label with him, kneeling below him _this_ was the smile he was wearing.

This was his perfect-smile, and it was there because of me.

And so, I beamed up at him, hoping that he would think it was _my_ perfect-smile.

"Okay, so the beach was my fault," I said after a long moment, unable to stop myself from further investigations, "but what about the months in between New Year's and then?"

Riku laughed shortly before falling silent and frowning.

"Believe it or not, after New Year's, I wasn't really sure whether or not you still liked me," he muttered, shrugging his shoulders gracefully.

"What?"

"Well, for a while, it was just a matter of us never being alone together unless it was at work. And then you kind of distanced yourself from me, and even switched jobs. I thought that maybe you'd begun to regret moving here, that you didn't like me anymore and that was why you left Yuffie's."

"I left Yuffie's because I didn't want to bother you anymore," I murmured lowly, glancing down to watch my feet shift as they remained in two places at once.

"Sora…" Riku murmured, almost chidingly.

"Hmmm?"

I could feel Riku's eyes on me, watching me as I moved my feet, digging my toe into the pavement and shifting weight, but I refused to look up at him, somehow embarrassed by my misunderstandings.

"Sora, look at me?"

It was then that I lifted my gaze to watch him watching me, his eyes dancing and glittering like waves.

Weaving his fingers in my own, he leaned forward to cover my mouth with a quick, light kiss. Lips parted slightly, I whimpered softly, dissatisfied with the chaste peck.

"Sora?" he whispered huskily, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Yeah?" My reply was equally low and raspy.

"Will you be mine?"

My nose crinkled as I smiled, ecstatic, and wondered if Riku thought _this_ was my perfect-smile.

"Always," I murmured.

Chuckling, Riku released my hands, wrapping both arms around me and pulling me roughly towards him, crushing me against his body. He was harder, more firm, than I'd expected him to be, but it was comforting, securing.

As Riku's tongue slipped past my lips, twisting with my own eagerly, desperate for response, my lungs emptied, and that pleasant, dizzy feeling flooded my senses. All I knew was lack of air, hungry mouths, and strong arms.

When awareness finally filtered through, dim and distant as starlight, I was still clinging to Riku, my hands pulling at his hair as I pushed against him and he pushed back, each of us fighting to get closer.

"Where's…Selphie?" I asked breathlessly as Riku pulled away from our kiss, rushing the words out before he could claim me again. I knew the question seemed awkward at a time like this, but the girl had a knack for popping up at precisely the wrong moment.

"Somewhere…stalling," he replied, again breaking away.

"Why?" My voice was shaking, and my head was swimming, and I had no idea when Riku's hands had found their way to my hips.

"Sora, there's a reason I let her plan this trip."

"What?"

"I knew she would put us in a car together, alone. I let her plan so that would happen. Then I told her to stall on the way up so we could be alone, so I could do this."

"And the key? Why couldn't we go inside?"

He shrugged. "Ask Selphie. She said it wouldn't be as romantic if we went inside."

"Figures," I said laughingly, reaching up to push Riku's hair behind his ear.

"I'm kind of glad I listened to her. We have a rather interesting story to tell now," he paused, "She and the others should be here soon."

"We should head back?"

Riku nodded, clasping my hand and turning to lead me back to the cabin.

The air was crisp, cooler than I'd thought it would be during the summer, and everything was so fresh and green, calm and silent.

Every so often, Riku would press his thumb into my palm and glance over at me, smiling his perfect smile and thanking me silently.

Once the cabin was in sight, along with Tidus and Wakka's cars, I pulled lightly at Riku's arm, signaling for him to stop.

"Sora?" he asked, turning to face me, eyes narrowed in concerned.

"Riku," I halted, hesitating, even though I already knew the answer to the question I was dying to ask.

"Yeah?"

"You…I said 'always', but…"

"But?"

"Will _you_ be _mine_, Riku?"

His expression softened, and he blinked slowly at me.

"Yes. Always."

"Good," I answered, nodding happily and turning on my heel to head back to the house.

Riku held tight to my hand as we walked slowly, not willing to return to reality, and he continued to hold it as we arrived there and right up until Selphie and Kairi tore me away from him.

Tittering and bursting with questions, the girls smothered me with congratulatory hugs and Kairi pressed a small kiss on my cheek, apologizing as a smear of lip-gloss lingered there.

"You knew," I muttered, glaring at a pair of ecstatic viridian eyes.

"I did," Selphie answered almost triumphantly, "knew all along."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Sora!" she gasped, staring at me in shock. "I don't like to interfere with things like that."

"Selphie…"

"Well, not with the actual confession! Where's the romance in me running up to you one day and spilling the beans, huh?"

I nodded reluctantly, trying to understand her girlish, hopeless-romantic logic.

"God!" Tidus cried, stomping over to us and scowling, "can we wrap up the fag-fest and get inside? I'd like to get some rest. I've been driving all day, and the only break I had was a picnic next to the highway because _Selphie_ just _had_ to let you two get it on up here!"

"Tidus! Do you _ever_ shut up?" Kairi asked, rolling her eyes and turning to smack him on the back of the head.

As Tidus complained loudly about Kairi's lack of manners, the lot of us poured into the house, and Riku gave us a quick tour.

The tour really had no reason to be any more than quick, for the cabin was rather small, consisting of one large room that served as a kitchen, living, and dining room. The ceilings were rather high, allowing room for the loft that Riku explained would be where we slept, and, much to Tidus's liking, where the TV was.

The blonde instantly clambered up the ladder leading to the loft, and the rest of us followed, not sure if we were looking forward to lazing around, or if we were following him out of something like obligation.

We sprawled out on the floor, which was littered with blankets and pillows, and the TV was turned on as the girls began chattering and Tidus's eyes glazed over.

Riku curled next to me, hooking his fingers in my belt-loops and sliding me across the carpet, closer to him.

For a long while we laid their, coiled against eachother, my head on his shoulder and his arms around my waist. In the background, Selphie crooned on and on about her new camera, and the TV murmured indistinctly.

I began fading out, content there with Riku, my eyelids heavy and closing. His breath had deepened, and I distantly wondered if he'd fallen asleep.

Opening one eye, I peered up at him to find that he was indeed sleeping, his lips parted slightly and hair spilling across his face like moonlight.

In that instant, I was blinded with a brilliant light as Selphie squeaked out an 'aw' before running to Kairi to show off her latest snapshot.

I decided to ignore the flash, and the camera, and the squeals of delight, and drifted into sleep, not bothering to wonder just what Selphie was planning to do with the picture.


	12. Need to Not Think

Author's Note: Wow. It took a hell of a lot of sweat to get here. I wrote, literally, six full versions of this chapter before this one came into existence. But, I must say, I'm incredibly happy with this. This chapter and the next…one or two, I think…are transitional chapters, and it took me forever to figure out how to keep them from being really abrupt. But finally, it is here. I hope you enjoy it…

One more note; I'm looking for a beta-reader. If you're at all interested let me know in a review and/or email…or whatever. However, please be aware that by "beta reader" I mean "someone who is willing to absolutely rip me a new one in the process of helping me improve" rather than "someone who wants to read chapters early and will always reply with 'it was good'". Thank you!!

* * *

Chapter Twelve:_"Need to Not Think"_

* * *

When I woke up, it was different than I'd expected it to be. I'd thought that waking in Riku's arms would feel warm, and safe – special, somehow. It just felt normal. 

So I panicked.

I was waking up next to my soul mate. Wasn't it supposed to feel perfect, to feel right? Wasn't I supposed to feel unnaturally at peace and then sigh contentedly and snuggle up closer to him?

In a moment of desperation, I forced myself to sigh anyway, but it sounded frustrated, and as I wormed my way closer to Riku, I ended up elbowing him in the stomach.

Groaning, he reached out sleepily to still me, bringing my hands to his broad chest as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"What's wrong?" he mumbled, a drowsy smile playing on his lips as he eyed me, pleased.

"Nothing," I answered, my gaze sliding away from him almost guiltily.

It wasn't supposed to feel like this.

Or maybe it was.

I didn't feel bad, or uncomfortable. I just felt normal. And maybe _that_ was what being with your soul mate really felt like. If you were going to spend the rest of your life with someone, your soul mate, wouldn't it feel natural? It wouldn't necessarily be special, because special is only sometimes. So, maybe, normal was how I was supposed to feel right now.

With that messy realization came another. As I finally decided that normal was good, I looked up at Riku. And it hit me.

I was with my soul mate. Riku was my boyfriend.

That was when I did feel something other than normal. My entire frame felt swollen with happiness, as if I was about to burst because of sheer elation.

"What time is it?" Riku murmured, resting his head on the ground next to mine and yawning.

I glanced around the cabin to try and find some sign of the time. Everyone else was still sleeping, and the darkness was cut only by the glow of the television. Some infomercial about an anti-aging cream was on, which I assumed meant it was very early in the morning. A look at the cable box proved that it was somewhere around 4:30.

"Early," I yawned, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck.

"Going back to sleep?"

I shook my head no, though I could already feel myself drifting off. We'd been asleep since about noon, which was more than enough rest, even for lazy teenagers on summer vacation.

"If I fall asleep now I'll never wake up," I muttered, prying my eyes open.

"Then get up," Riku said loudly, pushing me playfully away from him and pulling the blanket around his body.

"Hey!" I cried, pouting and scrambling back towards him to pull at a free corner of the comforter. "No fair! If I get up, you have to get up too!"

Riku chuckled and turned away from me, replying to my childish whining with a simple "No."

I growled and pulled harder, standing up to try and gain some leverage.

"Yes!" I ground out through clenched teeth, finally earning more blanket.

Riku only rolled over once more, pulling my part of the covers back towards him, sending me toppling over to land square on his chest.

Grunting, he wiggled out from underneath me quickly and held his hands up in defeat.

"Alright. You won. No need to get so violent," he drawled laughingly as he stood. He reached out to help me up then, and my mind instantly replayed its memory of the snow angel; the exact moment when all of this had really started. Part of me knew Riku saw it too.

Assumed was probably a more accurate word to use.

I never did figure out if I knew or was assuming, because as soon as I was on my feet, Riku leaned in to place a quick, careless, natural kiss at my temple. And it was so quick, careless, and natural, that I panicked again.

True, I'd just come to the conclusion that natural was okay, good even. But my mind started thinking – as most are prone to do – and it decided that whatever my decision had been before was wrong. It decided that my heart had made that last decision, and hearts believed what they wanted to. Listening to a heart was just putting faith in flimsy things.

My logical little mind decided that while a heart did have its place in romantic decisions, it also had a defense mechanism. My mind also decided that Quick, Careless, and Natural weren't supposed to show up this soon. They weren't supposed to knock on our door until after my heart had flitted around with Special and Awkward and was tired enough to let Mind have a little say in the matter.

In short, my logical little mind decided far too much, far too quickly and I didn't think to challenge it.

So I panicked.

But it seemed that Riku was apt at interrupting that night, because before I could get well into panicking, he'd pulled me closer and was smiling and murmuring.

"I want to show you something."

This was good. This was what happened in all the movies, all the simpering, trashy romance novels. Showing happened, and more often than not, showing ended up being special.

"Okay," I murmured, smiling dumbly and following him as if entranced. Perhaps it was just an overflow of excitement and a buildup of unresolved panic, or maybe Riku had that effect on me. That was another thing he stopped me from discovering that night as he led me out of the cabin.

I followed him, both of us remaining silent, down a thin, worn path that was either new, or old and fading. It wound behind the house and over a small hill, through a thin stretch of woods, and to the edge of a small lake. The water was clear, rippling softly in the moonlight, and the air smelled clean, filtered by pine.

"I just remembered it was here," Riku whispered, eyes following the lake's shore, "I haven't been here in years, but when I thought of it, I thought that maybe it might…help. With your homesickness."

It didn't. It was nice, but it was ordinary; nothing special and nothing like home. It didn't help, and I think Riku realized this as I stood wordlessly taking it all in.

"Of course, it was a lot more impressive when I was ten," he offered, laughing almost bitterly.

I wanted to reassure him as I watched him survey the area with new eyes, his expression growing heavier. I tried to find the right words, but I couldn't bring myself to lie to him. He'd tried, yes. It was thoughtful, but it just didn't help with my homesickness, or my sudden, inexplicable doubt.

I tried to convince myself that if it had reminded me of home, it just would have made everything worse. But, to be honest, that reminder would have proved to me that my doubt was unfounded; that Riku and I were supposed to be together and this whole mess playing out in my head was meaningless. If he'd been able to recognize something that was only in my memories, it would have been proof.

But he had tried, and so, leaning over to give him a quick kiss, I said the next best thing to reassurance.

"Thank you." With that I could acknowledge that I appreciated his thought without having to lie to him.

I knew he could tell exactly what it meant - that he knew the lake didn't help - but this way we could pretend that it had. So he smiled anyway and we clasped hands and sat at the edge of the lake.

He didn't respond, and I didn't want him to. If he'd said 'you're welcome' everything would have crumbled. We could both feel it now, that unsteady ground that we'd just broken. We were new, and we had to find our something solid to start building on.

We were new, and I was scared. So my mind butted in once more and started hurling thousands of scenarios at me. I couldn't sort through them, and I didn't want to. None of them ended well. But sorting through them was the only way I could dismiss them.

"I can feel you thinking," Riku whispered after a moment.

I knew what he meant, that everything had grown so awkward and heavy it could only be natural for either, or even both, of us to start doubting and turning those shiny little wheels in our heads.

"Sorry," I muttered, refusing to look at him. I could feel that ground shifting and it was making me nauseous.

"Please, Sora. If you apologize for things that aren't your fault, this will never…"

"I don't know how this works," I said quickly, not wanting to hear what I knew he'd say next.

"Neither do I."

"I don't know what it's supposed to be like, how I'm supposed to act, what we're supposed to do next."

"So you're thinking," Riku murmured, his voice far away.

"Yeah."

"I don't think we're supposed to…think."

I gave up my stubborn staring contest with the dirt and looked up at him then, bewildered by the sudden weight of his hand in mine. I'd forgotten it was there.

"I think this whole thing is different for every couple," he continued, "I think we need to not think and just do what we feel is right for us."

That sounded right. I gave up thinking and just went right on looking at him. My mind pressed for attention, and it was making me nervous. I didn't want to start thinking again.

I dropped Riku's hand and raised my own to grab his face and pull it towards mine, crushing our lips together desperately. Both mind and heart were screaming at me, telling me that this was not the best thing to do.

But I just wanted to forget about our shifting foundation and feel like we were real again.

Riku responded eagerly, just as desperate to try to plow forward as I was. If we skipped this messy, sappy foundation crap and went straight to the messy, desperate, grabbing source maybe we'd survive.

Now that everything was real, now that Riku was mine and we weren't just stealing kisses and labeling them as innocent mistakes I had no idea what to do with myself. We struggled to develop some sort of rhythm, to complement each other. Instead we ended up getting lost in the whirlwind of distraction we'd kicked up.

The whole thing was awkward and wet and hot. My hands were in his hair; his hands were pushing me backwards and crawling underneath my shirt. He tasted different than I'd remembered, less fresh and perfect and more raw and stinging.

I could barely breathe, and those breaths I did manage to draw in were thin and weak and he didn't bother to stop and let me catch up. I think I would have hated it if he had. It would have thrown us out of our swirling madness and we would have landed in the real world and realized exactly how wrong we were for plowing forward like this.

Everything was hopelessly awkward, and we both pretended not to notice as he pulled me up again, deciding that it was easier to be desperate when we were both upright. I pushed closer to him, instinctively wrapping my legs around his hips and settling in his lap.

His hands burned their way around my waist and clawed at my back, dragging down until his fingers dipped beneath my jeans and boxers. When they slid down the curve of my butt, I started, pulling out of the kiss and finally gasping for the breath I'd needed for so long.

"Riku," I protested, squirming backwards to try and put some distance between us.

He released me instantly, narrowing his eyes in confusion and apology.

"I'm sorry, Sora," he muttered, running an embarrassed hand through his hair.

In the silence that followed, we both knew that this had just thrown us backwards rather than allowing us to skip ahead. We didn't look at each other, and we didn't speak for a long time.

"We should go back," Riku whispered finally. I couldn't read the tone of his voice.

I nodded and we both rose, slowly retracing our steps back to the cabin. Once we'd cleared the woods, Riku reached over to take my hand in his, and he smiled again.

I couldn't bring myself to smile back, but I told myself we'd talk about all this later.

And I knew that, maybe, we'd be okay.


	13. Riku

Author's Note: There are two things I really, really want to stress in this Author's Note, so I hope you guys are all reading it. Firt, everything for this fanfic has been planned out since the moment I wrote the first word. It will stay exactly as planned, and nothing has changed over the course of writing this. Everything that happens in this chapter makes sense. It wasn't just a spur of the moment decision for me to write this. This decision was made carefully, after much deliberation, and it's making was based on the characters themselves.

Also, if you come away from this note learning only one thing, I pray to every god man has ever worshipped that it is this:

** THIS IS _NOT_ THE LAST CHAPTER. IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE.**

And many, many thanks to Finem, my beta, for helping me figure out whether or not this chapter worked.

And, just in case you missed it the first time, I repeat. **THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER!!! **

* * *

Chapter Thirteen:_"Riku…"_

* * *

Selphie had insisted that Riku and I go on yet another double date with her and Tidus. She didn't seem to realize that she was the only one who enjoyed these outings. It was clear that Tidus hated them; he spent the whole time grumbling to himself, or whispering something to his girlfriend, which, more often than not, caused her to elbow him in the side. And Riku and I just sat there, waiting for it all to end, silent and hoping that tonight would be the night we'd work up the courage to finally talk this all out. The bare minimum of words had been exchanged between us during the few days since we'd become official, and constantly being around Selphie and Tidus wasn't helping.

A part of me knew that if we didn't discuss our setback at the lake, didn't try to figure out where to go from here soon, we'd miss our chance. It would just fly right by us, and we'd end up parting ways. If we let it slip by while we sat in silence in a diner booth with another couple, we wouldn't be able to find our something; that little thing that would help us fit together, make our relationship work.

Yet, every night when Riku drove me home after our double dates, I left the car without saying a word. As soon as he stopped in front of the apartment, I was out the door. I left time for a quick good-bye kiss, but that was it. Every time, I panicked.

I was still trying to figure out why he drove down winding roads that twisted up and out of our way. Maybe he was waiting for me to say something. He could have said something too.

Selphie groaned, a deep, almost growl from low in her throat, and leaned forward to sprinkle pepper on the candle in the middle of the table.

"Gee, guys, shut up already, would you? Tidus and I just can't get a word in edgewise!" she muttered sarcastically, watching the small flecks of spark that rose from the seasoning assaulted flame.

Riku snorted. He was turned to the side, elbow on the table, and chin in his hand, eyes focused on something outside, past the window, lurking in the dark. I blushed and buried my face in the desert menu that had been leaning against the wall at the edge of the table.

After a moment, when I was sure I was no longer blushing, I looked up to see Selphie rolling her eyes dramatically.

"Y'know, I'm just trying to get you guys to act like a _real_ couple. You could at least sit a little closer, or, like, kiss or _something_!"

"I'm going to the bathroom," Tidus blurted out, rising quickly to leave the booth. His girlfriend reached out just as quickly to grab at his sleeve and pull him back to his seat.

"They're not gonna do it. Calm down." She sounded tired, like she'd given up. I hoped she had.

I was also hoping that as Tidus returned to his seat, Riku and I would turn to each other and make a show of calling each other by sickeningly cute pet names, rubbing our noses together and smiling widely at each other. But neither of us moved. I suspect that we both knew it would have grossed Tidus out, and made Selphie relax a little, but _she_ was too worried about _our_ relationship. And I think that's why neither of us decided to go for it.

Under the table, Riku rested his hand on my thigh. Glancing at him quickly, I covered it with my own and shifted so that I was maybe a centimeter closer to him. Maybe. The point was, we each made our own small effort then, and Selphie hadn't noticed it.

We stayed like that for a while. Selphie and Tidus did the talking, Riku and I would respond every so often. It wasn't unpleasant. It just wasn't what it was supposed to be. Not according to Selphie anyway.

That was probably part of our problem. She was trying to direct us. She wasn't letting us find the way ourselves.

When the waiter came, Riku removed his hand, but the warmth of his touch lingered on my thigh all night. It was like a constant reminder of what we had to do. So I resolved to do just that. As soon as we got in the car, as soon as we were alone, I would finally talk. I still didn't know why Riku hadn't said anything, but I didn't think too much about it. We had both failed to speak, and so we were both equally to blame. It wasn't fair for me to harp on why he wasn't bringing it up.

We ate in complete silence. It was an occurrence I'd noticed after several dinners with this new little group of friends I'd found for myself. We could be so loud that waitresses and restaurant managers would tell us that customers had been complaining, but when the food came, everyone shut up. I'd ordered fried mozzarella, but after nibbling at one of the sticks for a bit, I felt my appetite disappear. I was thinking too much again.

Riku paused, fork halfway to his mouth, and glanced over at me. In his eyes I saw the echo of something he'd said that night at the lake.

"_I can hear you thinking."_

Shaking my head in an attempt to toss out any of those unwanted thoughts, I smiled brightly at him. As brightly as I could manage at the time, anyway. He seemed to accept it, smiling a little himself and turning back to his dinner. It wasn't his perfect-smile, though, and that bothered me.

* * *

When we finally did make it to the car, when Tidus and Selphie were gone, heading towards the same destination on a much shorter route, I tried so hard to just say something.

But my words were stuck in my throat, like I'd swallowed them without chewing. Before I'd been afraid of thinking too much, but now I felt like I hadn't thought enough about what I wanted to say.

It didn't take long for Riku to say something instead.

"It's your turn, Sora," he sighed, eyes locked on the yellow line twisting down the center of the asphalt. "You're the one who tried to avoid this conversation at the lake. I've been waiting for you to say something. I wanted to make sure you were ready for this; but I just can't wait any more. It's your turn."

He was right. It made perfect sense that he'd wait for me to bring it up, when I was the one who had cut him off with my distraction-kiss. Obviously my actions that night had seemed like I wasn't ready for this discussion. I didn't think I ever would be, so I just kept quiet for a moment, trying to find the right words.

"I'm afraid that we're not going to be able to make this work."

Sighing, Riku removed a hand from the steering wheel to drag it through his long, shimmering hair.

"I was afraid you'd say that," he muttered, eyes still trained on the road before us. "But…I'm afraid we won't be able to make this work too."

"So what do we do?" I asked, watching my sullen expression in the side mirror, forehead pressed against the cool glass of my window.

"I think the first thing we need to do is go on a real date; one without Selphie and Tidus."

I murmured an indistinct agreement. The wheels in my head were turning too much again. We sat there, quiet lumps of flesh in moving metal, for a little while, until I finally responded.

"What if it still doesn't work?" I knew I was pulling back the fear Riku had tried to push into the darkness, but I couldn't ignore it. Not anymore. It had fished out so many memories, and I was beginning to read meaning in them.

"We'll figure it out then," Riku stated firmly. I could tell that he meant for that to be the end of our conversation, but I just couldn't let it go.

"What if that's too late?"

"Will you stop being so pessimistic?" he groaned. It was more of a plea than an angry outburst.

I remembered the day I'd found the soda bottle. I'd been more intrigued by the photograph itself than Riku at first. My mother was the one who'd started all this.

"Sora, please say something," Riku asked softly after what must have been a much longer time than I'd thought had passed since he'd last spoken.

"From the very beginning…" I trailed off, eyes stinging with the memory of my mother laughing, prancing around the kitchen with the bottle in hand, puckering her lips and fluttering her eyelashes at me mockingly.

"Sora?"

I sniffed silently, turned further away from Riku and swallowed the tears threatening to brew behind my eyes. "Even before I met you, too many people were involved with this."

"I don't follow…"

"Before I even decided to come here, my mother was joking around about it."

"Sora that's different…"

"And when I did get here, Selphie resolved to help me before we met."

I remembered the sight of the bottle sitting carefully in the small suitcase I had been allowed to bring with me to San Francisco.

Riku was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, I could barely hold back from crying. Why did I have to go and think about these things at a time like this?

"You…have a point."

I hadn't been expecting him to say something like that. As soon as he said it, the thing my mind had been picking at ever since that night at the lake finally became clear.

_At first it was nothing but a bottle with a picture on it…_

"Maybe there are too many outside sources pushing us into this."

_But then Mom found it…_

I choked softly on the lump forming in my throat. What had I done?

_For a long time that bottle was the only thing in my life that wasn't horrible…_

Riku was completely silent, and still. He'd pulled up in front of the apartment complex. I had no idea how long we'd been there, sitting in park with the car still running, waiting for all of this to be in the past. Waiting to move on.

_I guess…_

All I could think of was that something that had finally been revealed to me.

It was the something that would make our relationship crumble. It was the weak foundation we'd been standing on at the lake. Yet at the same time, it was the one thing that was keeping us together.

_I mostly came here for that reason…_

I knew Riku was waiting for me to say something, but if I spoke, I knew I would start crying. So I did exactly what I had to do.

I repeated what I had done at the lake. I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over to press a kiss against Riku's petal-soft lips. This time, it was gentle, searching, rather than the searing distraction I had intended it to be before. He responded, though it was slow and reluctant; confused and unwilling. After a moment, as expected, he pushed me away, chiding me softly.

My tears seemed to freeze where they were, still wanting release, but agreeing to wait until a more appropriate time.

_To find something better…_

As Riku searched my face for some sort of clue as to what was going on, I looked down, careful to hide any such sign from his searching eyes.

And that was when it was confirmed; when I knew that something I'd found was real.

For once, I could look away from his bright eyes. Even more, I was unable to look into them.

_To find something good again…_

"Riku…"I whispered. I could hear his breath quicken, and shallow.

_I mostly came here for that reason…_

I'd made a mistake, and I had no idea how to tell him.

* * *

When I entered the apartment, Selphie was waiting for me. As soon as she saw me, she knew.

"No," she stated, as if that single word would make it all disappear. "You didn't."

I couldn't keep from crying anymore. I just nodded, tears slowly trailing down my cheeks. She rushed forward, whining and scolding me. So I explained it all. I told her about the nothing that bottle was at first. I told her about the suitcase, and how I could remember exactly what I'd said to Riku when I first explained it all to him.

And I told her how those words made me find that destructive little something that had started this all; had shown me exactly why Riku and Sora didn't work.

I'd made a huge mistake, I told her.

Because my mind had interfered too much, and my heart had listened to it.

Because I'd let my mind convince my heart that I loved Riku.

Because the last time I'd ever seen my mother, she'd been teasing me about him. So I made it real. I made it something it wasn't, and I wasted my money and my time, and more importantly, I'd wasted Riku's time.

I'd wasted his time, and I'd put him through hell, only to realize that I came here to try and make my mother's jokes a reality.

And it had taken me too long to realize that.


	14. For You, Kid

Author's Note: Told you that wasn't the last chapter! This thing's not gonna be over for a long time.

Alright, this chapter, I hope, kind of explains why that whole mess last chapter had to go down, and fills us up with a little bit of transition and just a smidgen of what just might be foreshadowing? Maybe?

Also, I would like to wish this little fic a happy belated birthday! As of March 24th, I've been working on this here story for two years! Yay!! Anyhow, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Fourteen:_"For You, Kid"  
_

* * *

"So…what are you going to do now?" Selphie asked, sitting stiffly on the ground next to her couch, which I had been sprawled across for a good fifteen minutes or so now. She hadn't spoken once since I'd started explaining to her exactly why I'd broken up with Riku. This wasn't anywhere near the reaction I'd been expecting. I'd expected her to be more upset, more concerned about her romantic little fantasy world than what I would do with my life now that my one goal had been reached, and ruined. 

"I don't know," I muttered, shrugging lazily and nursing a headache – the aftermath of my little episode. "There's nothing for me in San Francisco or Honolulu anymore. I guess I'll stay here." Sighing, I rolled over onto my side so that I was facing the back of the couch rather than Selphie. I had a feeling she was about to launch into some pitying rant, and I wasn't really up to watching her as she did so.

Instead, she just repeated my sigh, and I heard a dull thud as she, I assumed, fell backwards to lie on the floor. We were both silent for a long time. My mind kept working through everything that had just happened. None of it made any sense. At first I had known that I was coming here to Connecticut because of some strange idea that it would somehow bring me closer to my mom, or help me deal with the grief of losing her, or whatever. But what I couldn't understand was how I had let it evolve into something else. How could someone, without realizing it, _convince_ themselves they were in love? And with someone they'd never even met no less! It was completely beyond my grasp.

"I think you're making this decision way too quickly," Selphie murmured, interrupting my thoughts as she rose to sit on the small strip of couch I'd left empty and loom over me, pouting stubbornly.

I scoffed and closed my eyes, hoping she would understand what the gesture meant.

"I mean, it just doesn't make sense!" She whined, proving that she wasn't actually paying attention to me. "How can you convince yourself that you love someone?"

Groaning, I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that somehow I could close them more, maybe enough to stop my mind from picturing the pathetic little mess I was, or the confused, angry expression that I imagined was painted on Selphie's face.

"I know it doesn't make sense, but it happened, okay?" I muttered, tears starting to prickle behind my eyes again. Why did I always have to cry? "It really doesn't help having you pick at it all like this, you know."

I could tell that Selphie was upset by my remark, and I really didn't like how bitterly it came out, but it was the truth, and I was in no state to care much about others' feelings.

Luckily, the phone decided to ring just then and save me from whatever protestations she'd been working up. Selphie rose from the couch with a frustrated sigh to answer the phone.

I took the time to let myself drift further away from caring. I just wanted to completely remove myself from the world; to be wrapped in some strange, warped little bubble of self-pity. Part of me thought it was perhaps the only way to cope with everything. Most of me knew that was completely wrong.

"It's for you," Selphie stated sharply, dropping the phone next to me and stalking off to her bedroom, the door shutting with not quite a slam.

"Hello?" I grumbled. I was in no mood for a phone call, and had no idea who would be calling me, let alone at nearly midnight.

"So you're finally back from Vermont, eh?" a smooth, confident voice asked.

"Yeah," I sighed. It was Cloud.

"How was it?"

"Alright."

There was a brief moment of silence then. When Cloud spoke again, he did so with a small chuckle.

"Doesn't sound like it."

I heard a door creak open and looked over my shoulder to find Selphie emerging from her room, most likely in order to eavesdrop on my conversation.

"I'm not really up to talking about it right now, Cloud."

"Understood. Anyway, the boss wanted me to make sure you'll be in tomorrow morning. I called earlier but no one answered and he keeps pestering me about it."

"At this time of night?"

Cloud paused.

"You alright, kid? You sound like shit."

I sighed. I'd kind of been hoping that he wouldn't notice the weary, careless tone of my voice. "Not really," I answered. I didn't have enough energy to lie.

"Sorry, Sora. I'll let you get to sleep then."

"Yeah. Thanks. Tell Marluxia I'll be in tomorrow."

"Will do. I'll see you in the morning then, kiddo."

"You're working tomorrow morning too?"

"Yeah. Larxene got really pissed about something the other day and just walked out, so I'm covering her shifts until Marly can hire someone else."

"Looks like I've got a rough week ahead of me," I joked half-heartedly. This was the way Cloud and I always were with eachother, so it was only natural for me to hurl a mockingly insulting remark his way. But with the state I was in, nothing anywhere near happy or fun really registered, so it all just evened out to a nice, bland neutral.

"Yeah, yeah," Cloud drawled, a soft rush of air bursting into the phone. I could almost picture him puffing at a stray lock of his blonde bangs and rolling his eyes. "I'm the one stuck with a rookie all week. And he's a real brat on top of it."

I forced a slight chuckle before bidding Cloud a good night and hanging up. As I rose to cross to the spare bedroom – which I still hadn't gotten used to calling my own room – I heard Selphie scoff from her position behind the couch.

"What?" I snapped, whirling around to peer over the edge of the couch. She glared up at me from where she was sitting, back pressed against the back of the couch. Watching as she stood slowly, I suddenly resented the color of her eyes. They were so bright and piercingly emerald, it made a stare-down almost impossible, but I was determined not to look away.

"I can't believe you, Sora," she stated coldly, the ice in her voice barely skimming through the thin layer of restraint she'd spread over it.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I almost growled, me gaze following her as she silently returned to her bedroom. Once she'd disappeared behind the door, I turned around, flopping back down on the couch with a strangled, frustrated sigh. I'd suddenly lost the will to sleep.

What right did she have to be upset about this? It wasn't her life that had just been rendered completely pointless by a childish decision.

And even if I really had loved Riku, she would have facilitated our downfall. They all would. Everyone had put so much pressure on our relationship, even before it had become official. We wouldn't have had enough room to breathe, enough time to figure things out between the different javelins of advice everyone was throwing at us.

Lifting a hand, I pinched the bridge of my nose hard, squeezing my eyes shut in order to ward off the tears I could again feel waiting to slide free. With a final, quick, heavy sigh, I reached to my side and picked up the cordless phone I'd left on the couch, punched in a number I'd memorized a while ago, and waited for the ringing to be replaced with a voice.

"Hello? Sora?"

I sighed, relieved. I was afraid he wouldn't pick up at this hour.

Then again, he had just called me a few minutes ago.

"Hey, Cloud. I have a quick question."

"Shoot," he answered easily. In that moment, I envied him more than I ever had before.

"Are you still looking for a roommate?"

* * *

Selphie hadn't taken the news about me moving out very well. She'd cried and begged me stay for a long time, and when I'd finally made it clear that I couldn't stay, she'd just shut herself off in her room. We didn't talk for a week, except for when she blandly informed me that she'd managed to find a buyer for the bed I'd been using. Cloud had said his apartment came completely furnished, which was something I'd been unaware of being possible. 

When I knocked on the door to Cloud's apartment, having been dropped off with my small suitcase by a silent, clearly upset Tidus, I held my breath, slightly regretting the fact that my moving had affected Selphie so much.

"You Sora?" a sweet voice called, as the door swung open slowly.

"Yeah," I answered, dazedly, surveying the woman standing in the doorway.

"I'm Tifa Lockheart. Nice to meet you!"

Tifa was smiling softly, and it was quite possibly the most genuine smile I'd ever seen. It almost reminded me of my mother. Her heart-shaped face was framed with sleek, dark hair, bangs swept to the left, almost hiding big, dark, smiling eyes. Her mile-long legs were covered by a pair of long, black shorts with black ribbons tied around the mid-thigh, and her smooth, toned stomach and considerably large breasts were barely contained by a thin, white tank top.

"Nice to meet you too," I muttered, finding for the first time in my life that I could not possibly concentrate on anything other than a pair of boobs. And who could blame me? They were just so…there.

"Come on in," she offered, stepping aside to allow me to enter and save me from the buxom view I'd been transfixed on earlier. "Cloud's in the living room."

The apartment was a little bigger than I'd expected it to be, but was furnished just as I'd assumed. Tag-sale furniture and mismatched knick-knacks decorated the large room that served as both a living and dining area. A hideous plaid couch was in the center, sitting in front of a cheap-looking TV set and beat-up coffee table. Behind the couch was a peninsula of counter that separated the room from the kitchen and - judging by the scratched stools that were perched in front of it - served as an eating surface.

"Hey kid," Cloud called, lifting himself off the couch to cross to me and grab my suitcase. "I'll show you to your room."

He led me down a thin hallway, opening the door to the first room on the right and slipping inside quickly.

"Here you are," he said with a brief gesture towards the contents of the room. There was a bed in the far right corner, opposite another door. The room was shaped like a squashed L, and in the corner formed by the two legs was nestled a humble dresser. It was nothing special, but it was more than good enough, in my opinion. It was actually _my_ room.

Cloud dropped my suitcase by the door we'd entered and headed towards the bed, which he took a seat next to, crossing his legs and lowering himself onto the floor. Nodding to the second door, he spoke again.

"That's the bathroom. We'll share it, unless you feel like crossing the hall and trying to get Tifa to share hers. Anyway, my room is right through there, so try not to make too much noise if you get up late to take care of some business." He winked then, and I laughed a real laugh for the first time since I'd broken up with Riku.

My new roommate watched me as I walked over to sit on the bed, which was surprisingly comfortable.

"So you ready to talk about what happened in Vermont yet?" he asked lightly.

I wasn't, but I kind of had a feeling that Cloud would pester me until I did. Which would be a lot easier now that we lived together.

"Well, Selphie manipulated things so that Riku was driving me, and only me, up to the cabin."

"Which I recall telling you was going to happen."

I shot Cloud a quick glare before continuing. This was no time for him to act so smug.

"It wasn't like that. Turns out Riku had kind of asked her to do it, and to stall everyone else on their way up so we could be alone for a while."

"Oh…"

"Yeah."

"So…?"

"So we started going out," I shrugged, dropping my eyes, unable to watch Cloud watching me.

"Really? Congratulations!"

I could tell he really meant it, was genuinely happy for me, which made it kind of hard to tell him the rest of what had happened.

"And about a week ago, we broke up. We only lasted a few days."

"Who…"

"Me."

"Really?" Cloud was clearly surprised.

"I…I don't think I actually ever liked him."

The blonde rose from his place on the ground and sat next to me, the mattress dipping with his weight, causing me to slide a little closer to him. He was silent for a long time, and I wasn't sure how to follow up my last statement.

"I did stuff like that all the time when I was your age," he said finally, with a careless shrug, "Convinced myself I liked someone, that is. It was never this drastic, but it happened. In fact, I think it happens a lot more than most of us realize. I mean, it's a confusing time, high school, especially for people like us."

I had a vague idea what he'd meant by 'people like us', but I wasn't exactly sure, so I just continued listening.

"Listen, Sora, I don't want you to think I'm trying to insult you, or make fun of you or upset you or anything, but it kind of seems to me like you still have a lot of emotional issues to clear up before you can handle a real relationship," he turned to me then, calm blue eyes incredibly sympathetic. "You never really did get over your mom's death, did you?"

My chest tightened, and I drew in a long, shuddering breath. It was true, I never had dealt with the grief of my mom's passing, and oftentimes I did feel like it affected my emotional responses to even the most mundane things. So maybe Cloud was right. I had to work on accepting my grief and learn to deal with it in a healthy way before I could think about anything romantic.

"Well, if you ever need someone to talk to again, you know where I live," he said, smiling and punching me affectionately on the chin before heading for the hall.

"Hey Cloud?" I called, stopping him with his hand on the knob.

"Yeah?" he called, turning to glance over his shoulder.

"You really are too busy living with some chick with big hooters, aren't you?" I asked with a short laugh.

Cloud echoed my laugh, though more fully, before his expression returned to one of concern. "I'm never too busy for you, kid."


	15. Kirsten

Author's Note: Ack! Sorry this took so, so long. My summer was insanely busy and insanely...insane. Um...anyway...this chapter's...weird? It might seem a little pointless, but it's actually one of the most important scenes in the story. Maybe? I dunno...it's definitely one of the most important scenes for me personally. Agh...my brain isn't functioning right now.

Anywho, I just wanted to let y'all know that I really appreciate the amount of feedback I've receieved, and as such, I'll be giving a prize to Face's 450th reviewer!! If your review is the lucky one, I'll message you and ask you to outline a short fic of your choice of pairing and genre and rating and try to have this gift ready for you within a week! Thank you so much for all the love, and good luck!

This chapter is for you, Kirsten.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: _"Kirsten"_

* * *

I was starting to pass up hanging out with Selphie and the others in the hopes of making plans with Cloud. It wasn't exactly that I preferred his company to their's; though that admittedly was at least a small part of it. Most of it had to do with the fact that he had absolutely no connection to Riku. 

I didn't feel any resentment towards Riku – I had no reason to. I just didn't want to be around him because of the pain I was sure I'd caused him. Thinking that I'd hurt him didn't seem egoistical to me. It seemed logical. I'd been sitting in the palm of his hand since before we even met, yet he still had to struggle to really have me. And then...I'd thrown it all away.

I'd thrown everything away the moment I decided to find him. At the time I hadn't known what a waste the pursuit would turn out to be, but now the realization was all the more painful because of that. Part of me was outraged by my lack of foresight. I should have seen it all coming.

Cloud and I discussed that a lot. His constant reassurance was more helpful than he realized, I think. He was always quick to remind me that there really was no way I could have known what was going on; even more so, it seemed, to remind me that he himself had been in similar situations on more than one occasion.

There was one other subject my room mate liked to touch upon, which I was extremely reluctant to visit. My mother.

Cloud insisted that talking about her would be 'enormously beneficial to the healing process'. He liked to tell me that keeping my memories of her locked up would just make it that much easier to focus on her absence, rather than all the little, happy things that I should be recalling, and treasuring.

I wasn't at all surprised to learn that he was a psychology major. He did seem to have a knack for it.

I was sitting in the kitchen, at the breakfast bar, peeking over the edge of my summer reading to watch Cloud.

He was watching television. I had never seen him do that before. Sure, he'd turn it on every once in a while, but unless the news, or an interesting movie was on, it never stayed that way for long. But he wasn't watching the news, or a movie, or anything really. He was just sprawled out on the couch, staring, like a normal teenager. It would have been ignorable, except for the fact that Cloud was hardly a normal teenager where television was concerned. Technically, he wasn't even a teenager anymore...

I returned my attention to my book for a moment; at the most long enough to read a few words. I just couldn't ignore the TV.

Sighing, I closed my book with a slightly dramatic little clap and leaned on the counter, cupping my chin in my hand. For a while I watched Cloud, waiting for some sort of movement, some indication that he was still alive. Nothing came.

Again, I sighed. This was weird. Something was definitely up with Cloud. Usually, he was so active and busy. But today...

I had to do something to make him feel better. He was always, _always_ there for me. Constantly. The least I could do was be there for him on his one off day.

"Hey Cloud?" I called softly as I moved around the peninsula to sit in front of the couch.

"Yeah?" he returned distractedly.

This was going to be more for me than Cloud, but it was suddenly the only thing I could think of.

"I don't have my driver's license yet."

"Yeah, I noticed," the blonde replied distantly. And then, after a long moment, I heard the click and silence of the TV being shut off as he sat up to regard me curiously. I bit my lip nervously and dropped my gaze to the floor.

"Why is that?" he asked, adopting the concerned tone he often used when he was playing therapist.

Swallowing hard, I squeezed my eyes shut. Tears were pinpricking at the back of my eyes, hot and tingling and longing to slide away. I tried to speak, several times, but a lump was stuck in my throat and it kept catching my words. I coughed a few times in the hopes of clearing the way.

"It's because of my mom," I finally managed, weakly.

"Sora," Cloud chided, knowing exactly what I was up to. "You don't have to do this just because - "

"Her name was Kirsten," I said quickly, stopping him before he chased away my courage. I hadn't spoken my mother's name aloud since even before the accident. It came surprisingly easily.

"What happened?" Cloud asked, his tone softer and more cautious than I had ever heard before. I took a deep breath and, clenching my jaw, nodded to myself.

"There was an accident. She," I paused, choking on a sob. My room mate fidgeted a bit, possibly trying to figure out whether or not to reach out in a comforting gesture.

"Mom wasn't driving," I continued in a strangled whisper. "A friend of hers was. He was...he was drunk. And speeding. The car flipped."

Again, I stopped, though more from surprise than sorrow. Because at that point, I wasn't sad. I was angry. My gut had clenched and my mind was whirling with anger, and it threw me off guard. I hadn't expected to be angry. Sorrow, I was prepared for. Not anger.

"When the paramedics came," I murmured, my voice hoarse and barely audible, "she was already gone. I mean, clinically, anyway. But she was an organ donor, so they took her to the hospital and put her on life support until they could find receivers."

I tired to continue, but my throat closed. What came next - the next chapter of this story of mine - I'd never told anyone before. I was ashamed of it, regretted it so very much. And so I never admitted it; never came clean. But now, I wanted to. For the first time, I felt like I could finally say this without my listener judging me.

I guess I trusted Cloud more than I thought.

"I...I didn't go to see her. I just couldn't stand the thought of seeing her like that." I was crying now, but I ignored it. "And besides...she wasn't _really_ there."

That was true. I had felt that way. After a while, anyway. But it was still true; I wasn't lying to him. I just wasn't telling the whole truth...

Clearing my throat, I went on.

"And I was angry. I was so mad at her. I mean, how could she...she'd..." I sighed, feeling almost defeated. I half expected Cloud to tell me I was wrong, that I shouldn't have been angry. Worrying my lip, I wondered if I really should have admitted this. Cloud wasn't reacting; it just seemed like he was waiting for me to finish. But I was finished. That was it.

No it wasn't.

"She should have known better," I concluded, setting my jaw and taking a deep breath. I held it inside for as long as I could before exhaling slowly, as silently as possible.

When, after several long moments, Cloud hadn't said anything, I started to panic again. My mind instantly flipped through several self-berating speeches, furious that I had revealed something so deeply personal, something I was sure would turn anyone against me. I was absolutely certain that my room mate despised me now; that he thought I was completely unfounded in being angry at my mother and was a despicable, ungrateful brat.

To my surprise, Cloud slid off the couch to sit next to me, resting a comforting hand on my knee.

"Tell me about her," he murmured gently, reaching over with his free hand to brush a spike of hair out of my face.

I took a moment to gather myself – wipe my eyes, swallow my remaining tears – before looking up at him and nodding.

"She was beautiful," I breathed, before laughing a little to myself. "I look nothing like her. She had this amazing blonde hair, and her nose and cheeks were covered in freckles. But her eyes...I have them. I couldn't be happier about that. Her eyes were so bright, so happy."

I grinned, remembering the shine of those eyes, and the way they softened when she talked to me.

"And her voice..." I continued, barely noticing my surroundings anymore. She was here, I could feel it. If only in my memories, she was still here. "I can practically hear it now. It was so...it was kind of nasally, when she spoke. But when she sang..."

Through the happy haze I could vaguely feel Cloud's thumb as it stroked my knee gently.

"It was her smile though, that people remembered her for. She had the most gorgeous smile."

I froze. In my minds eye, her lips stretched around pearly teeth marred only by a slight gap between the front two. Everything came back to me; the apartment, Cloud, reality.

She was gone, again.

"There was a memorial service for her, at a beach, about a month after the accident. We weren't allowed to wear black, and some of her friends had made collages. One of them was nothing but pictures of me and her. It's back at our house in Honolulu, which I still technically own. Around the edges, a bunch of people signed it, wrote her little notes."

I stopped again, forcing back another onslaught of tears.

"Every single one of them mentioned her smile. And most of them promised not...to make the same mistake she had. They called it Kirsten's Promise."

Silence. For a long, long while, neither Cloud nor I said anything. We just sat there, mouths pressed into thin lines, his hand still on my knee, his thumb still tracing patterns on my jeans.

I wanted to say something, to continue somehow, just to stop the silence. My room mate didn't seem to mind it as much as I did. He stood still, blinking at me with sympathetic eyes.

There was this pressure in the air, and I felt like I couldn't breathe properly, like the muscles of my heart had contracted just a little too much and weren't prepared to beat. I missed her, and it hurt.

Finally, Cloud spoke.

"I, uh, I know this probably isn't the right time to say this, but it's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while now."

Instantly, the pressure I felt thinking about Mom was replaced by one of a different sort. My heart loosened, and now it was beating too fast, rather than not enough.

He couldn't. I couldn't deal with this. If he said what I thought he was going to say, it would just ruin everything.

"I think you have a right to know this," Cloud murmured, finally withdrawing his hand from my knee. "Do you...do you remember how you told me that you felt your relationship with me was the healthiest one you were currently involved with, just because I had no connection to Riku?"

I nodded, still terrified of what I was sure he was confessing to me.

"Well...a few years ago, before I graduated high school, I dated Riku's half-brother."

Oh thank God. I'd been convinced that something else was coming. Part of me knew that at any other time I would have been stressed out by this, would have focused on the fact that the one person I felt I could fully trust was now erasing the very reason I trusted him so much. But right now, I was just relieved.

"We're still friends," my room mate continued, "and I just thought you should know that this connection existed. But...I also wanted to talk to you about something else."

My relief diminished a little, and I couldn't stop myself from looking up at Cloud and shaking my head. His eyes chided me, and he went on anyway.

"When you first met Riku, you said that he was a little less than friendly to you?"

Oh. More Riku talk. I wasn't exactly in the mood for that, but it was better than what I'd been expecting.

"Yeah," I answered, coughing and brushing some hair out of my eyes. "I mean, he admitted it himself, and he apologized for it..."

"But you still wondered about it?"

"Well, yeah. It was a pretty sudden transition. I was kind of...suspicious," I finished slowly, finally getting what Cloud was driving at.

"Do you think that, maybe, because of that, when you started dating him, you doubted his feelings for you? Both his transition from the person he was when you met him, to when you started being friend, and the transition from friendship to dating were fairly sudden."

"I guess," I said, shrugging. "I mean...it could make sense."

I'd though about it before, to be perfectly honest. But it was something I'd dismissed. It didn't matter whether or not I had any doubts about the relationship itself, because I didn't love Riku.

"Well," Cloud went on, his therapist tone disappearing and being replaced with his normal tone, "I just thought you should know, that the first one, Riku's anger at meeting you, didn't really have anything to do with you."

I blinked up at him, mildly surprised. I'd long ago accepted that, at first, Riku had thought I was completely insane and had reacted accordingly.

"Around that time, Seph told me that Riku had recently gone through a pretty rough breakup. He'd been dating some kid named Roxas, and..."

Everything Cloud said after that was lost on me. I heard none of it.

Riku and Roxas had dated?

It explained a lot. Roxas had never really been nice to me. He'd never been mean...but he'd never been more than cordial either. And whenever he was near Riku, things _had _seemed a little stunted.

The weird thing was that, this revelation made me feel...hurt. Had I been nothing but a rebound? Had Riku only dated me because he knew I was his for the taking?

The thought hurt, it _killed_.

And I just couldn't figure out why I cared so much.

* * *

_In loving memory._


	16. More Content Now

Author's Note: This update was much quicker than usual...which will probably be occuring more often now that school has started up and I have about six hours between classes on Mondays, four on Wednesdays, and three on Fridays and absolutely nothing to do with that time. Um...I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. Actually, I know how I feel. It's another "I'm secretly really important" chapter. And I'm terrified of how it's going to be accepted.

Before we continue, I'd like to address the fact that I've received some complaints about how I'm taking "entirly too long" in getting Riku and Sora back together. I'd like to ask that you please, please try not to address this anymore. I'm fine with "Gah! I wish they would just make out!" and the like, but "Why aren't you making them be back together yet?" is a little much for me to handle. Please try to respect that this is my story and it will unfold as I see fit based on the characters themselves and their situation. Also, who ever said they were going to get back together? Hmm? Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. I ain't saying nothing more on the matter.

And suddenly I'm even more terrified about how this chapter is going to be received...-hides-

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: _"More Content Now"  
_

* * *

At the end of every summer, about a week before school starts, Belleview has a fair down at the green in the center of town. I'd never been to anything like it, so I didn't know what to expect when I first heard of it, but Selphie was quick to jump in with an explanation. There would be live music, a marketplace, a carnival, and tons of food booths. It sounded like fun, so I agreed to meet up with her, Tidus and Kairi. Besides, I was starting to feel guilty about avoiding them because of Riku. 

I'd also done a lot of thinking about my relationship with him, aided by Cloud of course. While I still had my doubts, I'd come to a semi-solid conclusion about my worries concerning him and Roxas. If I truly had been nothing but a rebound, it was doubtful that Riku would have been so concerned with trying to make us work as a real couple.

Even though I'd placated myself with that logic, I still hadn't managed to figure out why it had hurt. Cloud tried to tell me that it was only natural; no one wanted to be used like that. I didn't think it was. If I didn't care for Riku in that way, why should I worry about whether or not he had?

When I saw Tidus and Selphie, it was obvious that something had happened to them, or between them maybe. They acted differently towards each other, were much calmer, more subdued. Part of me thought that maybe they'd fought recently, but as I studied them, I realized this was wrong. Nothing had happened to_ them_. Something had happened to Selphie. _She_ seemed calmer, different, more mature.

"Long time no see!" she said - excitedly, though nowhere near the chirping hiccup of voice I would have expected - as she released Tidus's hand to greet me with a friendly hug.

"How have you been for the past month, Houdini?" Tidus asked, ruffling a hand through his hair and smiling almost sarcastically. It took me a moment to figure out that the 'Houdini' had been meant as a reference to the 'disappearing act' I'd pulled. Or something like that...I think.

"Good," I answered, grinning apologetically, noting that it was the first time in almost three years I'd said so while meaning it. "How have you guys been?"

It was a few minutes later when Kairi showed up and we exchanged similar greetings before Tidus announced that he was starving and we were going to get food. Purposefully, I hung back, letting Selphie and her boyfriend weave through the crowd, getting a ways ahead of Kairi and myself. During the few moments when Selphie had been recounting her summer's events, I'd become almost fixated on the change that had occurred in her. I figured that if anyone had answers, it was Kairi.

"How's Cloud?" she asked, peering at me from the corner of her eye.

"Good." I wondered why she wanted to know.

"Did you know that he - " she started, rushing into it, as if the sentence had been bottled up inside her for far too long. Immediately, I knew what she was going to say.

"Dated Riku's brother?" I rushed almost as much as she had, trying to stifle her. "Yeah, I did." Something was weird. Kairi seemed like she was suspicious of Cloud, and she was being nosy, but it wasn't as innocent and immature as it had seemed in the past. Now, it seemed...intentional? Harmful?

"Half-brother," she conceded, looking almost disappointed. "I just thought you should know. I mean, if he's-"

"Keeping anything from me?" I almost snapped. Kairi was _trying_ to find something wrong with Cloud, and I was probably more annoyed by it than I should have been. She was my friend; her intentions were most likely good. Maybe she was just going about it the wrong way.

Was she my friend, though? I mean, we hung out every so often, and we had fun together. But what else was there to Sora and Kairi? The two of us had never had a serious conversation, we'd never turned to each other in times of need, never offered our support. So were we really friends, or just more...friend_ly_ acquaintances?

Shaking my head, I followed Selphie into a line that seemed to be waiting for attention at a booth that was selling fried dough. There were a handful of people between us, so I figured I was safe.

"Is Selphie alright?" I asked, not bothering to turn to Kairi as I spoke. "She seems different."

The redhead scoffed. "Oh, she's fine," she drawled, "It's just...being with Tidus has really changed her. I don't like it."

I blinked. Selphie's transformation wasn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I liked it. She was more mature, more tolerable. That wasn't to say I'd found her _in_tolerable before, though.

"I think it's good for her," I returned, flashing her a smile before sliding out of the line. Tidus and Selphie themselves were doubling back now, each holding two plates of fried dough.

"What were you two chatting about?" Selphie asked out of pure, innocent curiosity. Nothing about her small, serene smile suggested that she was in the least bit suspicious.

"Just catching up," I shrugged, taking a plate as a blushing Kairi did the same. The four of us found somewhere to sit, walking to a fairly empty area behind the town hall. As we ate, talking and laughing, we could hear the night's band tuning up - the stage being on the other side of the building - and the sky darkened considerably with the looming sunset.

After a while, Kairi cleared her throat and stared pointedly at me. Worry sprang instantly to my mind.

"So, Sora," she began. I was vaguely aware of the scrutinizing look this earned from her friend.

"Kairi," the other girl warned, the first's gaze turning to her directly, almost challenging.

"Did you hear about Roxas and Riku?"

For a moment, I froze. "Yeah, they dated. What of it?"

"They're dat_ing_," she corrected.

Again, I found myself unable to react. But after a moment, I just shrugged. What did I care about Roxas and Riku?

"So?" I asked, turning back to my fried dough with increased interest.

"Kairi!" I heard Selphie whisper scoldingly. It was actually more of a hiss. I ignored it, because it clearly had not been meant for my ears. "You had no right-"

"But _he_ has a right to know!"

"It wasn't _your_ place to tell him," Tidus interjected. His voice was dry, and loud as always. He made no attempt to hide the comment from me. I'm sure he knew I'd heard the girls' interchange just as he had.

Glancing at her watch, Kairi sighed, visibly annoyed. "Whatever. Tidus, we have to go meet my friend now."

The blonde nodded as the girl stood and stalked off towards a temporary parking lot. He followed her only after stooping to plant a quick, goodbye kiss on his girlfriend's cheek. As they left, I turned to Selphie, confused. She merely waved away my silent question and rolled her eyes, shrugging.

"I'm sorry," she murmured after a bit. "Kairi was out of line when she told you that."

I waved dismissively at her, much as she had done seconds earlier. "It's fine," I paused then, smiling playfully. "Besides, since when have you been concerned about people keeping their place in romantic matters?"

She laughed, which relieved me. For a second, I'd been afraid she'd take it the wrong way. After a moment or two, her laughter faded, but her verdant eyes remained as bright and cheerful as ever.

"I've changed, haven't I?" she asked. I was surprised by the note of worry in her words. I nodded, smiling as genuinely as possible.

"It's good," I answered. "Not that I disliked you before. You just seem...more content, now."

Selphie didn't smile, but her expression wasn't upset either. It seemed more reflective than anything else. "It feels good," she sighed. "And I have Tidus to thank for it." Her voice was whispy, dreamy, and I was glad to hear a bit of the old Selphie shining through.

"I heard," I said, lowering my gaze and clearing my throat.

"From Kairi? I'd thought she was upset about it. She shouldn't be. I'm happier now."

What we sat in for the next few minutes was far from silence, due to the chatter of the crowd and the roar of music and applause that came from the other side of Town Hall. But neither of us spoke for a while. It was Selphie who broke the silence.

"It's a lot different without you, Sora," she said, "I got lonely."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be!" she immediately cut off my apology, smiling as her voice rang with concerned reproval. "I understand why you had to move, Sora. And besides, because you were gone I started spending a lot of time at Tidus's. His parents _love_ me!" She fluttered her lashes, feigning cocky, before slowly sobering. "They really do. It's like...having a family again. I think that's what changed me."

I smiled slowly. "I'm glad you're happy."

A little tip of pink tongue darted out between the brunette's lips as she rolled her eyes upwards and bounced in place a bit; a quirky little acceptance of my compliment. "You know Sora, you're more than welcome to come back if you want. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Selphie," I replied. I hadn't realized it until just then, but I did miss her.

"So, uh, you sure you're okay about this whole Riku-Roxas thing?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I answered immediately, watching Selphie watch me. I hadn't wanted to give my mind time to process that, but I hadn't answered quickly enough to avoid it.

It hurt, but why? Was I just upset because it heaped more doubt on Riku's feelings for me? But then, why would I care about that? Maybe it was the principle of the matter. It was entirely possible that I was upset just because everyone likes to think that someone, at some point, cared for them.

It took a considerable amount of time for me to wander through all this, and about halfway through it all, Tidus and Kairi had returned. He'd pressed a water bottle into my hand and, without question, I'd taken a swig. The liquid, whatever it had been, burned in my throat and made my eyes water, but I kept drinking anyway, until my musings were jumbled, then gone.

And then everything was just a blur of light and sound, of laughter and loud voices. I remember trying to read a Chinese food menu, and laughingly begging Tidus to do it instead after I couldn't make sense of it, and I remember sitting down in the middle of the crowd and refusing to move. Then, nothing.

Nothing until only the very edges of everything were fuzzy, and I was home, playing with the hem of Cloud's shirt, draped across his lap and murmuring something about Roxas.

Though my mind was still hazy, I was suddenly incredibly self-aware. My fingers stilled and I made a great effort to lift myself off of Cloud. To my mild surprise, it didn't work. Everything moved much more slowly, and much less than I expected it to, so I opted instead for sliding away from my room mate's lap rather than lifting myself from it. Once I'd accomplished this, I curled in on myself and groaned; my head was swimming and my stomach turned weakly.

"Welcome back, buddy," I heard someone – Tidus, I think – murmur sarcastically. In response, I grunted, feeling that if I opened my mouth, I'd lose whatever Chinese food he'd ended up ordering for me. Had I even eaten? Regardless, I felt I would throw up anyway, and made a small move to leave the couch as the color drained from my face.

As soon as I realized this too would fail, Cloud's arms slipped between my shoulders and the couch. He helped me to my feet before snaking my arm around his neck and gripping my far hip firmly, but gently.

"Thanks for taking him home, Tidus," he said, his voice loud and close. I distantly realized that he must have been stooping quite a bit in order to support me like this.

"No problem," the younger blonde answered. "He kept asking for you, and was in pretty bad condition anyway, so..." he trailed off, probably shrugging. I couldn't see him, but I imagined him shrugging, and somehow the thought of the gesture managed to make my stomach lurch.

"Yeah, thanks again," Cloud replied, pulling on my arm a bit to bring me closer. I must have slipped away a bit. I hadn't noticed. He walked me to the bathroom – more dragging than walking in reality – and set me carefully in front of the toilet. My first instinct was to wrap my arms around it like an old friend and just let loose, but instead I slumped backward.

Wincing as my head hit the floor harder than I would have liked, I fought off another, smaller wave of nausea. The tiles were cold and it offered at least some comfort. I was vaguely aware of movement on Cloud's part and then he was behind me, resting a protective hand between my shoulder-blades.

"First time drinking, huh?" he asked softly, a faint smile in his voice. I nodded weakly, shutting my eyes against...something. Everything. "And you asked for me...Why's that?"

Maybe it was just because I was still drunk, but I couldn't figure out if he was asking to tease me, or out of genuine curiosity. But at that moment, I knew exactly why I'd apparently been asking for him.

When I was with Cloud, Riku-and-Roxas didn't really hurt anymore.


	17. Good Luck

* * *

Author's Note: Holy _poopies_ I did not want this update to take soooo effing long. I apologize. Really, I am so, so sorry. I'm trying to work on my updating speed, but real life is real. Therefore, it takes up a lot of time. Especially since I am living on Cape Cod for the summer and working somewhere around 50 hours a week. (Not that that's an excuse for the months and months of non-updating before May...)

A few notes: First, I have now been working on this fanfic for over three years!! Eep! So long...let's hope it doesn't take me that long to finish it. Heh. Second - because I know I will be asked - Cloud is reading _The Road to Dallas_ because I am reading it and am in love with JFK. There's no meaning behind it. And finally, please don't yell at me for what happens in this chapter...I'm nervous about it.

Enjoy?!

* * *

The Face on the Soda Bottle Label

_Chapter Seventeen:_ "Good Luck"

* * *

The last two days of vacation found me drowning in anxiety. First of all, I hadn't come anywhere near finishing my summer reading assignments, and was trudging through a horridly boring account of some Chinese-American woman's childhood and struggling to piece together an essay that was more than a hellish rant on how much I hated the damned book.

Then there was the issue of applying for colleges. I was going to start my senior year, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, or what type of school I wanted to move on to after graduation. Would I want to stay in New England? Go back to Hawaii? Go somewhere else entirely? There were art schools, technical schools, big schools, small schools, private ones and state universities. I could afford all the big, expensive schools, what with my inheritance, but did I have the grades for that? Could I keep up my grades with the gigantic amount of pressure I was already putting on myself for the year? All this was swimming through my head, along with a thousand other questions.

And that subject wasn't the end of my worries either. I was reluctant to see Riku again.

It wasn't that I still had feelings for him. I knew that wasn't the case. It was more that...well, that I was afraid of how much I may have hurt him. That and I had no idea how I felt about this whole Riku-and-Roxas thing that had found me drunk and babbling in Cloud's lap the other night.

Which brought me to one of the final worrisome points in my life: Cloud.

When I went into the kitchen on the morning of my first day of school, Cloud was already there, eating cereal straight out of the box and leaning against the counter nonchalantly. His eyes were on the television in the living room, which was off, and his legs were stretched out in front of him gracefully. I walked past him to reach into a cabinet and pull out a package of PopTarts.

"What time does your class start?" I asked as I put my PopTarts in the toaster. I didn't bother to look over at Cloud as he answered.

"I don't have class today," he answered. "Classes don't start until next week."

I briefly wondered what he was doing up at this hour if he didn't have class, decided I didn't want to know the answer, and then continued to stare expectantly at the toaster, which was placed in the kitchen so that, when facing the appliance, my back was to my blonde room mate. But that didn't seem to matter much – though I'd hoped it would. I could still feel him staring at me.

I felt my body tense as I shifted as much of my focus as possible on the toaster. Not on the feeling of Cloud watching me. Not on the crunch of cereal between his pearl-white teeth. Not on the rustle of cloth as he shifted weight. And definitely not on the scorching drag of his eyes up my spine and then across the slope of my shoulders.

Clearing my throat, I stood up straight and tossed my head, as if the action could shake off my room mate's attention. The back of my neck still prickled under his gaze. Not that I'd really thought a simple shake of my head would change much. My PopTarts popped, and because I'd been concentrating on the toaster so relentlessly, I jumped, startled. From anyone else, I would have expected a small laugh or chuckle, but from Cloud there was no sound. Just the heat of his stare.

As I ate my breakfast, I considered exactly what it was about Cloud that had me so worried. He kept eating cereal from the box. But the point was that, ever since that night at the Festival, when I'd found myself draped across his lap in a still-drunken haze, my room mate had been acting differently around me. He smiled at me more often than he'd used to, and every once in a while I would turn my head and catch his eye, prompting him to quickly look away. And, well, he'd been watching me lately.

In short, I was beginning to suspect that Cloud was developing feelings for me.

But, really, that wasn't the part that worried me about the situation.

"Did you finish your essay yet?" he asked suddenly, pulling me out my own thoughts. I had suspicions that was exactly his intent.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. It's kind of half-assed, but it'll get me at least some credit."

My room mate shrugged back, and I half-sighed before turning my attention desperately back to my breakfast. We spent the next few minutes in silence; in my mind, I kept hearing him speak, echoes of things he'd said in the past that had always stuck with me for whatever reason.

"_One day you'll realize that and run away from your precious Riku and come crawling to me..."_

"_I'm never too busy for you, kid." _

"_And you asked for me...Why's that?" _

I shoved the last of my PopTart in my mouth, grabbed my backpack and headed briskly towards the door, preparing for the ten minute walk to the high school. If I left now I'd be early, but I couldn't really stand the thought of staying in the apartment any longer.

"Good luck today, kid," Cloud called with a smile. I mumbled a thanks, slipped through the door, and listened to it click shut behind me. I was beginning to dislike when he called me 'kid'.

* * *

By leaving for school early, I'd hoped to avoid anything that may have further upset me. What I hadn't counted on was that plenty of other students arrived just as early as I would that morning, having been drop off by parents rushing to work.

As soon as I stepped into the cafeteria, silently glum and quite obviously moping about something, everyone's eyes turned to me. Even though it was only for a brief flash of time that I was the center of attention, and despite the fact that it was nothing more than a series of students searching for one friend or another, the split second of combined curiosity broke me. Instantly my mouth dried, palms started sweating and trembling, and my mind – as ever – started racing.

What was it that they saw when they looked at me? Was I just another unknown face? Was I still the boy who was in love with Riku? And what if I was neither of those things; what then? Who, or what, did I want them to see when they looked at me?

What, for that matter, did I see in myself? How was I supposed to define myself now?

Before Mom's accident I hadn't ever really thought about that. Afterwards I was 'the boy with the soda bottle', then 'the boy who had traveled across the country to be with a total stranger'. And now...

Well, now I was just Sora. Sora, who turned teases into searches for soul mates. Sora, who realized things much too late. Sora, who now had nothing left in his life. There was no more family, no more face on the soda bottle label, and there was no longer any prospect of somewhere becoming home.

Now I was just a name with no meaning attached to it; Sora who had no idea who he was anymore.

The realization, needless to say, was staggering, and in an effort to prevent my peers from seeing me cry – a sight I suddenly remembered as not so unfamiliar to them – I turned around and headed straight for the library. The trip brought me through a throng of students making their way to the cafeteria from their buses, which I did not enjoy barreling my way through while on the verge of tears, but I knew exactly where I hat to go to...start finding myself.

In the far corner of the library was a make-shift classroom, boxed off from the rest of the room by those padded almost-walls used to make cubicles. Once it had been a computer lab, or so I'd been told, but now it was empty, save for a few run-down armchairs the janitors hadn't bothered to dispose of. Because of the dust and the mildew-y reek of those chairs, most students never went inside the thing, but apparently Tidus, Selphie, and the others enjoyed the seclusion it offered. So I'd spent most of my free periods last year studying, napping, or just hanging out in what they refered to as 'the Box'.

Given my current state, a dusty, mildew-perfumed Box was the ideal location for mulling over my sudden identity crises. Unless, of course, the universe had its own, completely contradictory plan for me. Which, of course, it did. I wasn't the only one looking for privacy that morning.

As soon as I caught a glimpse of him, I turned around to leave as quickly as possible. Riku had seen me too, however, and he had a different course of action in mind. He called my name, and I froze, biting my lip and praying to God that I'd turned enough for my now tear-stained face to be hidden from his sight.

"Sora, listen-"

"Please, can I just...go?" I begged, only a little ashamed of how desperate I sounded. I really didn't need to deal with this right now.

"I wish you wouldn't," Riku answered. I was almost mad at him for saying it, so I whirled around to face him...and then my cheeks were flaming and my heart exploding, so I just said the closest thing to an apology I could manage.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Riku."

He sighed, ran a hand through his hair, licked his lips nervously, and said, "Yeah, I know."

"Can I leave now?"

"This isn't about me, Sora. Not...not like you think, anyway."

I blinked. How could this not be about him?

And then I blinked again, realizing that this was a new concept for me. For the past couple of years, everything had always been about Riku.

"Then what is this about?" I asked.

"You, I guess. And, well it's still about me but...I promise I'm not going to say anything about...about that night."

I shrugged, mostly just curious about what Riku had to say to me that wasn't about our breaking up.

"It's, um, kind of about Roxas," he continued. And then, there it was again: the Riku-and-Roxas hurt.

"I already heard," I snapped.

"I know."

Now I _was_ mad at him, and I couldn't help but glare into those eyes I once dreamed of so vividly. If he knew, what in the world did he think he was accomplishing now?

"Then why bring it up?" I asked coldly.

"I felt like I should talk to you about it in person."

"Why?"

"I just wanted to make sure-"

"Of what?" I interrupted, grinding my teeth. "To make sure I knew you were back together with him, so it's okay for me to go _home _now?" I spat the word 'home' out like it was poisonous, mostly angry at the word itself and not Riku.

"No." Riku snapped, standing up and glaring right back at me. It almost looked like he was about to cry, and I almost felt guilty about it. Almost. "Actually, I wanted to make sure you knew that you weren't just some rebound, some replacement for Roxas. If anything, _he _is my last-minute solution for how I feel about _you_."

With an angry half-sigh-half-growl he pushed past me, his eyes smoldering, before throwing a final, scalding remark over his shoulder.

"I still have feelings for you, Sora, but I can see now that you're going to make forgetting about them a lot easier than I thought."

Watching him cross the library, anger thundering in his every step, and disappear behind the heavy doors that lead to the hall, I could feel my heart sinking, ever so slowly, to the bottom of my stomach. It felt heavy and soggy and burned like my digestive juices were eating away at the muscle. On top of everything I'd been feeling all morning, I now had to deal with the one emotion I'd spent weeks trying to convince myself should not exist.

I was wracked with guilt. Not only had I broken Riku's heart – something I had ardently hoped I had not accomplished – but I'd made a complete ass out of myself. He had been trying to make sure I knew I'd been important to him, was trying to assure me of the fact that he hadn't just been using me, and I'd assumed that he was going lord his new-found relationship with Roxas over me. I'd immediately accused him of dangling it in front of me, baiting me into hating him.

At that moment, I couldn't think of anything else that could have been heaped on top of me. Everything I'd been fearing for the past few weeks had been confirmed and thrown right in my face.

And at that moment, there was only one thing I could think to do about it all. There was only one option; one person who could help me make everything better.

* * *

The rest of the day went by unbelievably slowly. Nothing stood out, and I couldn't remember a single thing; except what Riku had said before he'd walked away from me, left me standing ashamed, a shocked and shattered shell. His words echoed in my thoughts all day; his words, and the unrelenting thought that I had to get home and talk to Cloud.

When I got back to the apartment, he was in his room. Through the door I could hear muffled music. I took a deep, nervous breath, and knocked on the door. Lately, anytime I was about to be in the same room as the blonde, my heart started racing anxiously. I breathed heavily for the next few seconds as I waited for him to answer.

The door opened, and there he was, in nothing but black boxers and a white t-shirt, a book dangling from the fingers of his left hand: _The Road to Dallas_. Leave it to Cloud to read historical non-fiction for pleasure.

"What's up?" he asked, raising a brow and knowing better than to ask me how my day was.

"I need to talk to someone...to you," I answered, my eyes asking him if it was okay for me to come in. He stepped to the side, letting me pass, and nodded understandingly. I sat on his bed, not caring if he had a problem with it. He sat next to me, slightly too close for comfort, with his right hand planted behind me, supporting him as he leaned even closer, listening intently.

"What's going on?" he asked, his tone so soft and concerned. My heart started beating even faster.

"I...I don't really know who I am anymore," I answered, not really wanting to vent about my encounter with Riku. Somehow, it didn't feel appropriate to talk to Cloud about him anymore. So I brought up my secondary concern, and prepared myself for the Cloud-like wisdom and advice I was sure would follow. Instead, what my room mate said next...well, it nearly broke my heart.

"That's not something I can help you with, Sora."

He looked down at me then, eyelids lowered so that his calm blue eyes peered at me through thick, sun-light lashes.

Out of the blue, my heart skipped a beat, and once it started up again, it did pumped languidly, carelessly even.

Because it wasn't the thought that maybe Cloud was developing feelings for me that worried me, so much as it was the thought that maybe I was starting to view Cloud as more than just a friend.


	18. When the Time Comes

Author's Note: Alright, so, here's the deal. I know it has been forever since I've updated this. FOREVER. I know. And I apologize, but to be perfectly honest, I wasn't into the whole fanfiction thing much for a while. But now I am back, and so without further ado (because I don't feel like going into more detail right now. It's 3am as I am writing this), here is the looooong awaited eighteenth chapter!

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The Face on the Soda Bottle Label

_Chapter Eighteen: _"When the Time Comes"

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The noise from the television in the living room was distracting me from my history project. I was in my bedroom, so it wasn't too loud. It was just the occasional rumble of an explosion, barrage of gunfire, or indistinct shouting of a supporting character, but it was still a lot more interesting than my schoolwork.

I tried my best to ignore it and just power through my project, but after maybe ten minutes – surprisingly enough, when everything fell silent – it proved to be too much. I had to know why the action had suddenly stopped, even though I had no idea what movie was even playing.

In the living room, I found that the volume had just been muted. The lights were off and Cloud was sitting on the couch. I studied him, silhouetted against the flickering glow of the TV screen. He had one leg up on the cushions, the opposite elbow perched on his knee, and his fingers curled around his chin; the index wandered back and forth along his lip as he stared at a spot on the wall a good two or three feet away from the TV.

Cloud almost never turned the television on. When he did it was not to watch a bad action movie and it _certainly_ wasn't to put on a bad action movie and _not_ watch it. Pouting, I realized this meant that something was troubling him. Then, for what was probably a fraction of a split second, I caught myself wondering if it was me. Not only did I wonder, though...I kind of hoped it was.

I bit my lip. I didn't want to deal with anything like this right now. Yeah, I had to admit that I had a crush on Cloud. There was no denying that after I had just hoped that he was upset because he liked me and didn't know if I liked him too. It was just that I had so much more to worry about, and those issues were so much bigger than having a crush on my roommate.

Sighing, I decided to head into the kitchen, grab a glass of water, and then just go back to my room and try my damnedest to finish up my project. When I turned on the faucet I heard a rustle of cloth and felt Cloud's gaze on my back. It lingered only a moment longer than it would have taken to figure out who I was – not that it was hard to tell the difference between Tifa and me...like, at all. His hesitation was more than enough. I all but chugged my water, put the glass in the sink, then turned into the living room and stood beside the couch. Cloud didn't look up at me, or even reach for the remote to turn the up the volume. I started to regret my decision and considered going back to my room.

"How's the project going?" he asked, without budging.

"It's not," I answered. My heartbeat was starting to feel too weak and at the same time too fast.

Cloud didn't respond, but when I went to sit next to him he moved his foot to make room for me and finally un-muted the television. I tried to pay attention to the movie, but it was totally uninteresting; at least, compared to the constant buzz of Cloud's presence in my thoughts. Outside, it was raining and the first really chilly night of the fall. Cloud had a blanket draped across his lap. I screwed my eyes shut, took a deep breath as quietly as I could, and then reached over and pulled at the hem, dragging it until the extra fabric that had bunched up over Cloud was covering my own lap.

My roommate turned to look at me, but I kept my attention on the TV. I knew I was blushing, though, and I just hoped that it wasn't visible in the dim light. If it was, Cloud didn't say anything. He stared at me for longer than I liked, but I pretended not to notice and he kept quiet.

After a minute or two, Cloud sat up straight and rearranged himself. He was maybe an inch closer to me than he'd been before. I held my breath as long as I could, listening to my heart beat in my ears and telling myself, silently, not to look at Cloud.

_Don't look at him. Don't. Look at him._

I looked over at him and then back at the TV as quickly as possible, but at that same moment he had also looked to the side and our eyes had met. Before I'd freaked out and looked away, that is. Mentally, I berated myself for it. What could have happened if I had held his gaze? Would he have known, just from looking at me, that I liked him too, and leaned over and kissed me?

But he had to already know. It was too obvious. If he knew, was I wrong then?

I clenched my jaw, wishing I could shake my head and clear it of those thoughts. I was _not_ wrong.

I leaned a little towards him, putting my elbow on the cushion as if I were just lounging. I tried to convince myself it was smooth and totally subtle and counted to thirty in my head. Then I sat up, sliding my legs under my torso so that I ended up closer to Cloud. We were still a good foot-and-a-half apart.

Cloud lifted his arm and draped it along the back of the couch, behind me. I scooted closer to him, still staring at the TV, until I could feel the heat of his thigh on mine but was not so close that we were actually touching yet. I decided to leave that move up to him.

And I regretted that decision as I sat staring straight ahead, trying desperately not to look at him, or whimper, or sigh…or throw up. Maybe I was wrong after all. The thought made me want to curl up in a ball, roll to my room, and just go right to sleep on the floor, without even bothering to hoist myself onto the bed.

I made the tiniest move to stand up and get back to my project, but Cloud stopped me, his arm sliding off the back of the couch to drop onto my shoulders.

I froze, suddenly nervous. I had been waiting for this, hoping it would happen, but now I had no idea what to do. I worried I would get the hiccups. I don't know why _that_ was what I worried about, but it was. Then I remembered when I'd first met Cloud. I'd admired him so much. He was fearless; he didn't care what the world thought of him. He knew what he wanted, he didn't apologize for it, and he knew how to take steps to get it.

I'd convinced myself then that being more like Cloud was the key to making Riku like me. Then again, I'd also convinced myself that I loved Riku.

But I knew that wasn't the case with Cloud. It couldn't be, not when having a crush on my older, super attractive roommate was as heinously inconvenient as it was.

I clenched my fists, closed my eyes, gave myself an imaginary but firmly resolute nod, and then closed the remaining distance between Cloud and myself. After a long moment of careful consideration, one of frantic worry, another of self-admonition, and ultimately a moment of decisiveness I made the final move. I uncrossed my arms, dropping them to my sides and placing my hand on Cloud's thigh.

As Cloud turned to examine me, I looked straight ahead and somehow managed not to blush. He continued staring at me and I continued staring at anything but him. I wanted him to be the one to take this further. I needed that, needed proof.

After a long while of his watching me, I finally got fed up and turned to him. Immediately, I tried to catch his gaze with my own. But by then, Cloud was far too fixated on my lips to notice I was trying to get his attention. I took a deep breath in and relaxed my mouth as much as I could manage. He wound his arm more tightly around my shoulders and pulled me closer. His tongue darted out to lick his lips, and then he smiled.

"Would it be alright," he murmured as I moved my fingers in gentle circles on his thigh, "if I kissed you?"

I nodded.

Cloud's hand wandered upward until his fingers curled in my hair. He watched me closely for a moment. I moved my own hands to grab at his shirt. When he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine it was a lot different from what I'd expected. He did not hesitate at all to pry my lips apart and run his tongue along the roof of my mouth, sending shivers down my arms. Almost without my noticing it, both his hands were in my hair, pulling my head backwards as he pressed into me, pushing against me until I was forced into lying on the couch. He was heavy and solid on top of me, and as he rolled his hips forward, grinding them against mine, I realized that he'd wanted this for much longer than I'd noticed.

I broke away for a breath and Cloud took the opportunity to nip at my earlobe. I pulled his face back towards mine and when we kissed again I tried to respond eagerly, to match his fervor. It was not hard. At that moment there was nothing sexier than how much he wanted me.

How long had he waited for this? Judging by the way his hands roamed in my hair and across my back – always pulling me closer, even when I was pressed flush against him – and the quick, hard way he swept his tongue against mine, it had been forever. It felt like he'd wanted me since the beginning of time, and I loved it. I loved feeling like I'd been worth the wait, thinking that Cloud had been tortured by how close I'd been all along.

His touch slid over my sides, coming to rest on my hips. He lifted himself away from me just enough to slip his hands between us. Still he devoured me, lips, tongue, and mouth working endlessly to conquer mine. His fingertips flirted with the waistband of my jeans. A surge of anxiety assaulted me as they found the button. I told myself to calm down, to forget everything but the giddiness of being wanted, the elation of fulfilled longing, the heat of Cloud's touch.

He unbuttoned my jeans and I failed. I drew back and he followed laughingly, thinking I was teasing. When his lips found mine again, though, I did not respond, and he stopped.

Neither of us spoke. We were still lying on the couch. He was still on top of me. We just said nothing, did nothing. Until, after a long moment spent studying me, Cloud rested his forehead on mine.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, breathing hard. "I'm sorry, it's just…"

"Mmhmm," I nodded, agreeing with his unspoken sentiment.

"Mmhmm?" he questioned back, smiling.

I realized I had never before seen him look so perfectly happy. I bit my lip and nodded again. He took my face in his hands and kissed me.

This time our kiss was slower. It was quiet, content. There was no need to make up for lost time; not when there was so much more ahead.

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When I woke up the next morning we were still on the couch. The TV was on, but very quiet, and Cloud was curled behind me, wedged uncomfortably between me and the back of the couch. We shifted position until once more he was lying on top of me. I looked up at him. He was going to kiss me.

"Cloud," I said first, "if we do this, won't it be…too weird? We're roommates."

He thought about that for a moment, then laughed. "I think it's a little late to worry about that."

I nodded. We had already kissed. A lot. We knew there was something between us. It would be just as weird if we didn't do anything about it.

"Besides," he continued, "every relationship has its own set of problems. Let's not worry about that one now. We'll deal with it when the time comes."

Again I nodded, smiling and reaching up to clasp my hands together behind Cloud's neck.

"Do you have to work on your project today?" he asked, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck.

"Yes," I sighed. His lips found the corner of my jaw. "Well, no. I mean, I guess I could put it off until later."

"Good," the word came from deep within his throat and as he kissed me firmly, I laughed and forgot about my homework.


End file.
